So it's been more than two years now.. We have been together for at least three years, and woah was it a extreme journey of ups and downs. I don't want us to ever remember each this way, broken. Know that I never meant to break your heart, smelly. Our lives are due to change, sooner or later. I need you to be brave, brave to take steps without me holding your hand now. Cause everytime I do, I seem to draw the strength that you have out from you. I don't want any of this, no, I'm not happy. Running from the fact that I wished I could love girls for the rest of my life isn't helping me.
Am I selfish to want us to remain friends? Cause I don't think you quite fit the category. I will always always love you, that's one thing I know for sure. I care about you more than a friend should, I yearn to takecare of you, it hurts me when you say you don't need me anymore. You don't know how I feel once again, cause I'll never show, I guess that is my biggest flaw, always expecting you to figure out things, without saying a word. How come you can read me so well, all those times, but now you just refuse, just refuse to see what I'm trying to do. You were always my biggest supporter, it kills without having you to cheer me on. I am what I am cause you choose to love me, and I wish you feel the same way too. What's nursyi without smelly?

Would it make me vulnerable if I were to tell you all that I'm feeling. Why do I feel like no one will ever understand what I'm going through. You gave me the choice of being friends, but I can't stand the thought, of you finally replacing me. Call me selfish, call me egoistic, but this is me trying to be strong for myself. The things we did, you're not doing it with her, I just feel out of place like I'm no longer important anymore. It breaks my heart to even tell you how much I miss you, I do. I'm just so good at putting up a strong front, you're bringing me to my knees.

Tell me how did we get here, how did we become so wrong? Why, how do you manage to push me to the edge till there's no room left to breath.
Just like how you need me to understand that those people are in your past, you need to understand that it's the same fr me too. I'm with you, the longer you allow that thought to feed onto your emotions it will eventually be there. Please, I beg you, Stop, stop it. I can't.

And if I ever forgot how I feel about you, you should keep me grounded, keep me reminded. You know the song you need to bring me back, it just there. That day at Ben's and Jerry's,  with waffles and ice-cream I realized how much we put our heart and soul into this r/s not knowing what might happen next, but we just threw ourselves in it hoping for the best, knowing myself, I'm gonna give you more than just the relationship of your life. I'll make sure, you will never move on from me cause I love you that much 

Our supposed to be ice-cream date, ended up with us watching a movie and eating in Ikea. Both nearly losing each other's cool, I don't know why I was so patient with her tho. Given anyone else, I'd prolly just walk away and leave them there, but I stayed and kept my cool everythough I was about to blow, but it wasn't her fault. The way she tried to calm me down by redirecting what I'm piss about pissed me further. BUT, overall, it was an awesome date. HEHE, i ate like 14 meatballs man, she only eat like what one? Both of us, are always so tough on the outside, so careful with each other. Im tired of this, let me tell you this, I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings, to bring you down, to leave you there cause even so, even at your lowest I want you to know I'll never leave you. Not now, not ever. Now let me show you my range of emotions in full glory, may you have a strong heart, cause I'm tired of putting a strong front. Let us embrace each other with all over flaws out on the open.

 Watched Shiqin performed at HomeClub with Rian and Nad, sherry was there too, but I dint managed to take picture with her. She was so good she gave me goosebumps, I missed them so bad, all the stupid stuff we would do. Like cooking packets and packets of maggi after school at Nads place, sleep, cry to each other. After all these time I'm glad somethings didn't changed. After which me & Rian wandered around from clark quay to raffles to esplanade. We just walked, like how we used to, then get tired and find somewhere to sit and laugh. Maybe we shouldn't have been together, cause now I might lose you as a friend, I'm only strong for you. I know you love her alot, maybe you're holding on to her more than anyone else, cause you didn't think even she would disappoint you. Im so sorry she did, I know how exactly how you feel, but if you don't pull yourself out of that hole. Even I can't do it for you.. Just know, when you're down and out. Im here.

Yesterday's chalet with my girls <3 i="">

It's been a long day, it;s been a long week and I gotta to say its that I have been wrong. I don't wanna see your face. I don't want you to see me break into a thousand pieces and I just wanna hide away.

Just as I thought I can get a day off work to spend time with my gundu heads, aishah told me she cant replace me :(

Okay, forget it, at least even so. I'll be able to make more money, think about the bright side syima. Come on, haha. I hate always coming from work, cause I smell like coffee, and sometimes my hair smells like syrup and coffee. I feel so sticky and disgusting that I just need a bath. Damn, whatever la. It's an opening shift, with clarice somemore

Sick of holding onto people that wants to let go, when I'm always the one holding on. I don't understand, however hard it might be, to stay by your side as a friend, I will still do it. Even if you're with someone else, I don't understand why you can't do that for me. Rememeber what I always said? 'I just want to see you happy, even if happy means not being with me."

Your soul is the river, it runs so deep. You're the one that suppress them all. & I'm trying to figure out, how did I ever do without, your smile.

Heh, my number one turn on is someone's smile. It defines their personality, sweet and humble or fuck up. So I have been pretty busy with work and juggling with making time for Adam, zuzu, my schoolmates, work mates, and kumoks.

So I slept over Rian's house two nights ago, I think. I'm glad that we actually set time aside to do that,  cause it really segregated our feelings for us. There's no more spark neither is there heart racing moments wanting to be near each other. We are finally two individuals, no longer warped into one.

I think we're happier this way, there's so much I can share with her these days. No boundaries, but with jealousy, sometimes. I know things might change if she has a girlfriend, than I will no longer be able to see her as and when we both like. Somehow, I feel like everything is falling into place, I never planned for it to be this way. But somehow, it just did. Never would i have thought, I'd be with Adam instead of Su, or break up with Rian to even think of dating someone else, but it did. It happened.