What does this mean? I somehow just can't register it in my head. I fee as though I just wanna push everyone aside and have some me time, with maybe someone who can make me laugh. LAUGHING, what ever happened to that? I burned my finger while playing with fire. I expected you to at least let me have the decency to know. But no, you didn't let me have that favor, Im so sick of this.


My lover,my bestf who just doesn't want to feel what it's like being me. To try to put yourself in my shoes, to feel me. You just choose to ignore it and let your own emotions consume you. Im not comparing but if it was you here, I'll fucking be there for you even if it hurts me cause at the end of the day it's your happiness that is most important.


I  was wrong about everyone, Im to blame for this. Forcefully I have to swallow this bitterness,if this is love I rather not feel at all.

Hi smellies lillies, I'm sick :( What's new :/ Nursing is really tough, it's even harder if you have no passion for it cause you can just flop. I'm glad I have this bunch of classmates to pull me through, I have never felt so motivated and driven for so long. Damn, I went to the dentist too just now after heading to the poly. I did scaling and polishing for my teeth and also to check up on my wisdom tooth which is a pain in the ass, it seems like I have a gum infection due to the growth of the wisdom tooth, he advice me to remove the gum, but I want to remove the teeth completely. He also asked me to get braces but damn that's expensive, woah. But Im considering to do it though, get it of all my mouth problems.

'sighs' Rindu la dengan Kumoksku. HAHA, so Malay. Okay, so tomorrow is like my official first day of school. Anxious, excited, am not sure. One thing is for sure though, I'll continue texting, tweeting, facebooking, instagram-ing. HAHAH, everything that involves the social network. Guess the only thing that is constant is change. Everybody is chasing their dreams, vhai do I feel like crying now. Haiyo. We will meet up, I know, but it won't be the same. We were the most united group in the class, despite everything. We are three groups clashed together due to projects and similar interests, we were inseparable ever since.

I feel much better now though, but I told Rian not to come over cause of the lighting and thunder, pretty scary stuff. So today marks a week that I haven't see her smelly face. How could we both forget that today is the 10th, silly us.

Bag is packed, hair is somehow done. I HATE MY BLACK HAIR. I feel so ugly. This is it, the first time to the rest of my life. Insyallah despite my folic defiency they will still accept me into the course, because this is what I really want to do. I can't see myself anywhere else.

'sighs' I dyed my hair back, I wanted it brown but somehow with my lack of expertise  it turned out black. No more blue/purple hair. Let alone some brown in my hair. This is depressing, I don't even wanna look at myself in the mirror.

I miss my hair :( Why must I dye it that day, hais. No use brooding over it though, come holidays I shall dye it again. HAHA, my hair is dying already. 

I  miss this girl, so badly. It's been more than a week  without me seeing her, I feel as though I'm handicapped without her. I depend on her for everything, how to get to places, food, support. 'sighs' I have been limping without her by my side and now I'm sick. I feel even more helpless than before.The body aches, the medication, I want my baby :(
If this is my punishment for drinking, please make it fast. I have yet to set my feet in my new class and mingle with new people.

This is ridiculous, fucking ridiculous I tell you. When that bitch uses my things no one fucking cares. When it's her, kimak macam khiamat sia. You call yourselves my family, the one group of people that I'm suppose to trust, to lean. Fucking far off from what it's supposed to be.

Fine, I admit I made a mistake. I drank when I'm not supposed to, I dint tell you, but comeone. We make mistakes, I was high. I couldn't think straight, instead of making sure I was home you pick a fight with me. It's just like you to think about your fucking anger rather than what's going on around you. You expect me to understand you, but ask yourself do you understand me? You're not even the least abit understanding, or try to understand.

You promised me that you will try to understand me more, try put yourself in my shoes. Have you forgotten what you told me when you met me at Somerset after work? Guess you did. The saddest part about our relationship is that I can't stand being mad at you for even a day but you can, you can.

Suck it up, he says. I have always been sucking it up don't you worry. Even if I try my best to care about others, they will always turn against me.
As promised khai came down to help me with closing even though I insisted for him not to. 'sighs'
Been texting d, bombarding her with questions about Nursing. I'm glad that she choose to answer it with patience and understanding, hehe.
I still wanna be able to work on weekdays so I wont be burning my weekends on work. 5 days of sch and 2 days of work, without a full day of no work and no school. I can go nuts.

I'm sick and tired of this. You don't see where you're pushing me.

HAHAH, well this is from the 1st Starbucks outing I went and it's a chalet. Believe it or not, this. is before we got high, boo

2nd Starbucks Pit, with my fav girls. One by one they left, leaving me alone :( Well with khai but still I'm the most senior.

ME SO HUNGRY :( I don't wanna take food cause I'll see his fuck face and plus I'm fat. NAHHH, this are some of last night's pictures. Me & Clarice high faces, Iki looks high eventhough she din't drink, cause she has to drag me home. Lastly Khai and me, hah. By last night I meant the Starbucks BBQ. I realize that 2 years straight I wore black to the outings except this year. MHmmm.