i din't know that i could lose my dad .
how did everything turn to be the way it is ? you tell me .
it's not something i can laugh it off anymore , it's not something i can sleep on .
im going to lose my dad , is that anyway funny ?
why does everything has to happen to me , all at once ?
my aunt came to my house early morning , she practically screamed it syabir's ears ,
he has to engaged a lawyer to fight for his case or he'd be thrown into jail ,
and guess what ? we don't have the money , like shockg .
& we have to borrow it from her , she's the one paying for everything that runs in my house .
PUB, electricity , etc.. etc .
i thought of sneakg out of the house , but before i could left for work
she called me and screamed at me too .
& said i din't contribute anytg to the house and i work for my own benefit .
wow .
she asked me how's my studies . typical .
then i could feel that i was starting to cryy , so i make a face, she screamed at me stop cryg .
but no tears felt from my eyes yet . my dad and brother stared at me .
i hate to let my family members see me crying , i felt weak and angry,
that i cried infront of her .
my dad ask me to tell her about the direct poly admission ,
and that moment i just wanted to screamed , cry , die .
i dint want to tell her anything , i just anted to screamed IM A FUCKING FAILURE !
happy now ? so what i topped my class , i got DPA .
it doesnt matter in their eyes . i might as well fail .
she then let me go ,
i sobbed uncontrolbally in the lift , i maked noises when im realy scared , which i did .
i cried all the way to work ,
people kept staring at me their eyes searching me , questionable looks ,
i bent my head low and kept my music loud .
when i reached work , i forced myslef to smile ,
i don't want thier pity .
they can't help me , so why bother .
im going to lose my dad , if i don't top my class next year .
