http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIIa44jMww0

this song is so amazingly sweet , it makes me just wanna cry . Heh , amazing how someone who knows you so much is able to use everything they know about you all this years against you . You ask yourself what kind of person does that , after being with each other for so long but well you've have to understand that even the longest of marriages ends in divorce , nothing in our temporary world is certain . Everything will end someday somehow . Then you'd start to wonder why would you ever want to try in the first place , here's the deal . Im the kind of person who thinks if you'd never try you'd always never know .

No one actually stops loving someone , it's either you'd always love them or you never loved them .
The hardest part of letting go is stopping yourself to run away .

Budak selengeh transformed ? No ? Okay .
It's been centuries since I updated , cause all my updates are in my drafts or my new diary <3
So blogger dead , but today I feel like typing instead of writing so just let me be . Had a , well how do I put it ? Emotional talk with my clique just now ; they made me cry like a small kid . They say I'm sensible but when it comes to love I'm just a weakling , of course I fought to justify myself otherwise but it seems like well yeah , I'm always so afraid to lose the other party that I tend to think of the worst possible scenarios even if she's not doing it . I'm just paranoid like that , love ? What's that . It's finally over , I should say that with a hint of relief but instead fat sobby tears roll down my cheeks everytime I hear her voice or she her smile . MOVE ON , how do I ? She gave me so much to remember , we practically grew up together . Moving on seems so easy for her to do , I don't even sense a tinge of sadness coming from her . Moving on means letting go everything we had , forgetting it , making it another chapter in my life called memories . With time it will fade , I'll probably forget how much I truly love her and yearn for her . But that's the thing , I DON'T want to forget , I want to keep this going . Mistakes both of us , I know . It did made us stronger every single one of it , I'm saying sorry . But I do still love you , behind this strong front which won't ever admit that I still do . I yearn for you and I will always hold a place for you in my heart . When you read this I probably won't be talking to you , cause I can't stand to be freinds with someone I dearly love and looking you in the eye unable to hold you . It kills me to see you , you have no idea seriously . I don't want you to continue to see me cry for you , swollen eyes and eyebags , I don't want that for you . Know that even if we're not talking I do think of you , every night . You're still the first and last person that is on my mind now and forever , I don't care what people say . I love you S . It will always be S.S .

'sighs deeply' why do I feel this way ? I want you to be happy , Im sure you know that I don't want to go down that road if you're just able to leave me just like that . You got no idea how I hug myself to sleep feeling so alone , even if it kills me I promised you that I'll never walk out of your life and Forever isn't just a word to me even if it means nothing to you . Call me a flirt call me a bitch call me everything you want , I'll never stop loving you till my last breath I'll be here for you . Rub your cheek , hold your hand , hug you till you're out of breath . Run with you , cry with you . Yearn for you for a place in my heart still holds your name up till now , look into my eyes you will know how I feel for you . You thought me so many things that I'll bring everywhere I go . We will always be able to talk for hours about anything and everything , I'll be mad yes I will , but give me time and you know , you know I'll have your back . I have never left yur sight and I dont even plan to walk away . You have to trust me , I can't be there for you like how I always used to , but only time will tell . You have my heart S , doesn't mean that I dont utter the words I love you often it means that I don't love you . I do , I want to show you that actions speaks louder than words .

Finally after what seems like forever I met up with my girls , though two wasn't present we dearly wished that you guys would come for the next one . Initially it was drizzling but when we settled down the rain stop and we started enjoying ourselves . Decided to put all my worries and sadness and my handphone away for just one day and enjoy myself . These girls seriously made my day , with their sillyness and zuzu forever making me her subject of amusement . I seriously enjoyed myself , more to come right girls ? Love you guys now till forever .


It's been whole day & you only texted one time throughout the whole day . You'd never see how much you mean to me , your not trying . I dont know why Im addicted to the song called "TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART" heh , oldie song . But I seriously love it , maybe it's bcus I've been watching too much Glee . Bloody addictive show ,
last but not least HAPPY DADDY'S DAY ! I love you daddy , thankyou for bringing me up for so many years and never even raising one finger at me before , you and mummy mean the whole to me . love you .

It's true when people say that you can fight with the person most closest to you , bcus of money . Be it your mum , or your dad , your brother , your grandparents , anyone .
It tears people apart , it eats them up so far down till it's too late and you won't realize that finally , you lose the person that once cared so much about you .
Sometimes , I wished for all so many things . To be with you , just hearing you breathe in and out . Be in your arms , call you in the middle of the night and you just ready to catch me when I fall , whenever however . Just now , I realized that wishes remain wisheS and not everyone and everything would go according to plan . The truth is people are just going to hurt you , you just have to find the ones that are worth hurting for . If I din't want the best for you , I would have left so long ago .


before I sleep , I'd just think about all the shit that happens and the good stuff too . I'd text you about the stuff bothering me at that moment but you dont get it , you never do .

This was taken on Sunday when I had my group meeting , I swear I'm sorry Desiree I wasn;t there to support you , you know that I would have come if I had the chance right ? Im sorry ,go on and call me a bitch , I deserve it .
I sad to say that only our appetizer made it , our Pink Ink Drink smelled and tasted like crap . Only Utt dared to try it and wanted somemore , sheesh . Heh , Our Apple Crunch burnt in the oven halfway , and our main course became a burger . We changed the recipe so much that it eventually became a burger .

Then today I was working but then halfway I experience pain at the side of my stomach it was so extreme that I couldn't even stand . I went into Concess to tell Hazel that I wanted to sit down but eventually fainted . Bahh* When I woke up I was sweating cold sweat and lying down the worst part was my body was aching . Mhedz wanted to sent me home but I declined his offer and took the cab money home myself .
Baby is so concerned but instead of thinkg about my pain , Im thinkg about her stress and how Im going to help her . As a result I neglect myself , but Its all for her so it's worth it .
Mummy , how I wished that you'd care more about me , how I wished you would'nt vent your anger on us when your actually mad at him , Daddy I how I hope you would'nt shout at Mummy bcus your are just as helpless as her , I wished that you would not blame her for every shit that he does . DADDY & MUMMY , how I wished you guys would open your eyes and see that he isn't worth fighting for . How I wished that I wouldnt have to fight with you all every single time I disagree that your always sacrificing everything for him , OUR FAMILY , YOUR JOBS , YOUR MONEY YOUR TIME . How I wished that he din't exist in our lives at all , how I wished that he wouldn't leave my mum crying for him every night for his mistakes . I wished he ceased to exist , I swear that our family would be so much happier . Why oh why god , why .. 'tears fall'
You bloody fuck , you dragged everyone in this shit with you , fucker . We do not want to get involve it's your shit . Now mummy and daddy is so stress up thinkg about you they are venting it on us , fucker . & I have to be woken up early in the morning only to hear you guys arguing and see a dozen of people in the living room with an expression that says they wished could fucking kill you . Fuck you for making my only childhood exprience a living hell , fuck you .