I have been staring at this page for around half an hour, thinking exactly what should I write. I;m sorry I did not mean to hurt my little girl, honestly. You know the feeling of someones new liking you? The excitement that someone else finds you attractive, you're gaining attention but after you surpass all that, what's left is the love, the actual love you have for your other half.

'sighs' Seeing Hazhim & Erwina part just like that, just over a small mistake makes me reflect. It's actually all the small things that affects you the most, cause it accumulates over time snow- balling into a whole shitload of crap. Hard to believe the fact that couples for as long as them 8 years can choose to just walk away from each other. It aches me seeing them like that, cause it reminds me of me & shirin somehow. Sharing everything with each other, tears over the phone. Screams of joy when we pass our N's and cried when we failed our O's. Telling that someone every single detail, finding out dislikes/likes and whatnot. Eventually with them it becomes a routine, difficult to break, like an old habit. How does one decide to part from someone with so much memories and not shed a single tear. You can only smile as you reminisce back everything you guys did tgt. Every fight, every tear, every smile, every heartbreak making you guys stronger as a couple.

& fr you,
I guess it's nothing new to you, that I decide not to pick up your calls or reply your texts. Cause we did it so many times over the past three years. I have always listened to you, your advices,our 1am fights, 3 am makeups. You'd always pester me to study, that's how secretly I manged to always do well in Social Studies, English, Science. Our late night DNT & art dates, forcing me to draw your stuff for you.It was tiring, we both knew that, every single day, with SST till 4.3o/5 needing to study and complete our coursework too. But the fact that you were always there, makes it easier somehow. I always thought you'd be my first and last, needless to say you gave a hell of a first impression, 'smiles' I wish you all the best for now, for you, Faizal and the little baby. Insya'allah, you'll be a much better person. Never go back to your old ways, remember what you always told me, if not for mummy, don't do anything stupid cause you hate to see tears in daddy's eyes. I miss buzzer & zara kiss them fr me. I miss the smell of your room, the view from your room window, the clubhouse. I miss everything, despite the fact you cheated so many times. I'll still forever care about you, takecare shirin.

with love,
Crysrain

where did we go wrong, all so wrong. We both wanted the same things in life, or so I thought. I want to be a good muslim, but I still want you to be there, can you do that? Are you prepared to live the rest of your life with me, just living together, you & me. We will adopt two children so that when we grow old, they can take care of us. We'll have cats around the house, make love in all the rooms, fight an argue with each other almost everyday but still wanting to love each other even after that fight? How sure are you, how sure are you that you can do that? Live with me, against your parents wishes, just to be with me. Against everyone and everything, just to me with me. It's like going against gravity. Which is the strongest force on earth, I don't know about tomorrow, next week, or next year. But I'll tell you this once more, I love you more than I have loved anyone in my entire life, I'm not looking for anyone to replace you. Cause I'm sure no one can top you ever. You have no idea how much this is hurting me, I may not cry and show you, but god knows I have been thinking, praying,wishing, for something, a miracle for somehow I can be with you throughout my entire life. I never want to leave you, ever. I have great pplans for the both of us, since the start.

Eventhough you're with me, it's feels so far away, still..I never
wanted any of this to be happening but it seems like I'm never good enough, I'm forever arguing with you.You're impossible to talk to these days.The longer we are together, the further away I feel I'm from you. This is such a long and painful fight.I din't give up on you, but I feel as though you already gave up on us. You'll never see cause I'll never show, this is killing me. I'm so tired but I can;t stop myself from thinking. I go to you when I need a break. When I'm feeling sad, but it's ssems like I can't do that anymore.