Our supposed to be ice-cream date, ended up with us watching a movie and eating in Ikea. Both nearly losing each other's cool, I don't know why I was so patient with her tho. Given anyone else, I'd prolly just walk away and leave them there, but I stayed and kept my cool everythough I was about to blow, but it wasn't her fault. The way she tried to calm me down by redirecting what I'm piss about pissed me further. BUT, overall, it was an awesome date. HEHE, i ate like 14 meatballs man, she only eat like what one? Both of us, are always so tough on the outside, so careful with each other. Im tired of this, let me tell you this, I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings, to bring you down, to leave you there cause even so, even at your lowest I want you to know I'll never leave you. Not now, not ever. Now let me show you my range of emotions in full glory, may you have a strong heart, cause I'm tired of putting a strong front. Let us embrace each other with all over flaws out on the open.

 Watched Shiqin performed at HomeClub with Rian and Nad, sherry was there too, but I dint managed to take picture with her. She was so good she gave me goosebumps, I missed them so bad, all the stupid stuff we would do. Like cooking packets and packets of maggi after school at Nads place, sleep, cry to each other. After all these time I'm glad somethings didn't changed. After which me & Rian wandered around from clark quay to raffles to esplanade. We just walked, like how we used to, then get tired and find somewhere to sit and laugh. Maybe we shouldn't have been together, cause now I might lose you as a friend, I'm only strong for you. I know you love her alot, maybe you're holding on to her more than anyone else, cause you didn't think even she would disappoint you. Im so sorry she did, I know how exactly how you feel, but if you don't pull yourself out of that hole. Even I can't do it for you.. Just know, when you're down and out. Im here.

Yesterday's chalet with my girls <3 i="">

It's been a long day, it;s been a long week and I gotta to say its that I have been wrong. I don't wanna see your face. I don't want you to see me break into a thousand pieces and I just wanna hide away.

Just as I thought I can get a day off work to spend time with my gundu heads, aishah told me she cant replace me :(

Okay, forget it, at least even so. I'll be able to make more money, think about the bright side syima. Come on, haha. I hate always coming from work, cause I smell like coffee, and sometimes my hair smells like syrup and coffee. I feel so sticky and disgusting that I just need a bath. Damn, whatever la. It's an opening shift, with clarice somemore

Sick of holding onto people that wants to let go, when I'm always the one holding on. I don't understand, however hard it might be, to stay by your side as a friend, I will still do it. Even if you're with someone else, I don't understand why you can't do that for me. Rememeber what I always said? 'I just want to see you happy, even if happy means not being with me."

Your soul is the river, it runs so deep. You're the one that suppress them all. & I'm trying to figure out, how did I ever do without, your smile.

Heh, my number one turn on is someone's smile. It defines their personality, sweet and humble or fuck up. So I have been pretty busy with work and juggling with making time for Adam, zuzu, my schoolmates, work mates, and kumoks.

So I slept over Rian's house two nights ago, I think. I'm glad that we actually set time aside to do that,  cause it really segregated our feelings for us. There's no more spark neither is there heart racing moments wanting to be near each other. We are finally two individuals, no longer warped into one.

I think we're happier this way, there's so much I can share with her these days. No boundaries, but with jealousy, sometimes. I know things might change if she has a girlfriend, than I will no longer be able to see her as and when we both like. Somehow, I feel like everything is falling into place, I never planned for it to be this way. But somehow, it just did. Never would i have thought, I'd be with Adam instead of Su, or break up with Rian to even think of dating someone else, but it did. It happened.

Yesterday's affair with Smelly, from sushi to skypark to homemade ben and jerry with waffles. HAHA, I'm officially sick of salmon, hehe. I eat one plate too many yesterday, and she eat like what, one and half plate? Cannot bring her to buffet, seriously perut so small like perut orange. Haha, doesnt make sense. Thank you, for pampering me without fail, to always remind me and making me feel that it's always me, and it will always be me. We've got so much love to show, but still both of us is holding back, I don't know till when you'll be in my life, but I'm not looking forward for you to leave anytime soon.

I hate disappointing people, the way you talk to me this days, wheww. Do you have any idea what you put me through? For nearly half a year, do you know how broken I was? I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I see your face every where, even when I close my eyes, the worst part is that there's this depressing hollow feeling in my heart that I couldn't fill. How many nights I stayed up crying to you, you just asked me to fuck off, or get pissed at me. Whatever you're going through right now is nothing compared to what you put me through, I was so broken. I blamed myself for not treating you well enough, for not having enough time to spend with you since I was busy with exams, I blame myself for allowing you to slipped away. No matter how many mistakes you created, how many wasted nights crying for you till I was gasping for air, I'm still here. Still holding you up, always.

 Smelly's birthday not-so-surprise outing after burning our bodies in the hot sun at marina barrage, hehe.

 In the midst of studying that time with Rina.

Date with smelly last night, watching Ah Boys To Men 2. I DID NOT CCRY, I REPEAT I DID NOT CRY. Heh, who am I kidding, I did, I really don't know how to lose weight when Adam always makes sure I have good food, plus the worst part is that nenek stays here now. FOOD IS EVERYWHERE. Bah, I don't know how long you plan to stay in my life with no commitments like this, but I'm glad you did. Unknowingly I'm holding you back with an invisible thread, seeing if you let go, or pull back harder to keep me by your side.

Sometimes, I do think how unfairly I treat you. How demanding I am, expecting nothing less than perfection from you, all the time and I'll criticize you openly if you fail to do so. This heavy burden I put in place on your shoulder unknowingly. I need you, more than I expect myself to do, it scares me. Someone who I have already strikeout mentally to never be with, yet I'm falling into your arms so effortlessly. I know I don't usually tell you what's going on in my head, but that's just because you always think I'm confuse when the fact is I have already chosen, and it's you. We have the rest of our lives together, I want us to grow with each not apart, to love each other even if it makes absolutely no sense at all and even if you feel like throwing your whole set of knifes at me. Heh.

I love you, smelly.