I wonder if I ever cross your mind just like how you always do . I don't think you're happy at all , but I just don't understand why you won't let me catch you fall . I miss us , I miss you & me trying all kinds of food , experimenting . I miss you calling me late at night and talking till wee hours of the morning till you fall asleep on the phone . I miss treating you like a baby . I miss the way we'd make faces when we listen to a song. I love the way we'd laugh at our own secret joke . I miss how I can talk to you about hisyam and how I hate him so much but yet his still in the house . I miss you making me cry for the most stupidest reasons , I miss us quarreling every single night about everything and nothing . I miss how you'd watch out for me in secondary school , I miss how I'd carry your school bag infront and mine at the back . I miss sitting beside you during malay class and massaging your hands . I miss how you'd try to tie my hair and make me feel better by getting me distracted . I love how you make me feel comfortable in an awkward situation by being by my side . How do you bring yourself to walk away form something that was once so strong , even when there were times I swear I feel like giving up on you on everything , something always whispers to me to just give it one more try . Just one more try , why are you even putting yourself through this , I know his not the one . I know , we promised each other remember ? That we'd choose our soulmate for each other & I just know his not the one . You're better than this but you just refuse to see .

crysrain , no you hang up .

See my new hair color , my sissy say I look like minah rep 'screws face'
But someone else doesn't think so , heh . I wanted it to look brown but instead it looks red , BAHS*




Anna sayang , aku sayang kau bodoh .


The SB-CP team , I miss the old team though .


My girls , anna , farlinah , me , zee :)




So this are the updated pictures of the pit ! Nyehehe , Anna sat on my lap throughout the whole meeting and we keep taking like around 8-9 stingray's and sotongs . I was so full already we makan serioulsy like budak gemok . So i dyed my hair & the color is kinda off , Im praying that the color runs so the real color will be shown .
& I just put down the phone with Zuzu finally get to talk to her after so long , feels like secondary school days . Hope you're feeling better Zuzs , on the 9th I let you spank me one time only kay , to make you happy . I REPEAT ONE TIME ONLY .
I realize many things lately , like why bother to express yourself , people call me ego , hard-headed , but when I do express myself , they do nothing about it why bother ? Or maybe they would like change for awhile then go back to their old self , I'm sick of pointing out where your're wrong there and there . if you wanna change you'd should see if for yourself . Im still there , but you'll have to prove to me your worth it . Cause I'm losing faith , in you .

You said you can read me like a book , so can you read how I'm feeling now ?

My manager the curly wurly Saiful , never fail to make my opening an eye opener always . I miss working with him 'screws face'
This was taken last week at our starbucks SB-CP bbq pit . I helped in the cooking alot this time round eating of standing near the pit and gobbling everything up . Heh , I was actually not feeling well since I dint go home on Sunday night . I promised myself I won't drink after all that has happened and I'm glad Anna was there to make sure I kept to my promise . I initially wanted to swim with the rest but I din't bring the proper attire and a change of clothes . A kind soul azman lend me his clothes , but in the end I decided not to swim . Why ? I scared I'll get darker , shutup . Don't laugh , haahs .

Last week for three days I had to go to Kinderland Childcare Centre at Tanjong Pagar to teach the kids art , at first It was awkward I kinda stand there smiling to them looking like a fool but I bet they barely can tell . After which we got into groups to teach them different techniques that we would be doing . This girl , Metta was so adorable she stuck by beside me the whole time and she'd giggle everytime I brush her hair . Viola the most lady-like child I ve ever seen with proper manners , she has the puss in the boots eyes , completing the cute girl look with bangs and a ponytail . We continue doing the art pieces till the last day , I couldnt bear to leave them eventhough it was just for three days I teared up and cried like a baby & they all came charging at me giving me a big group hug . I was so touched I cried more but trying to push them away at the same time , I shy la . The three days spend there was so meaningful , eventhough I was so sleepy and tired on the last day I managed to force myself to get up and there's not many events where I'm like that so yeahh .

lastly , you're killing me without even trying .

Bumped into this guy yesterday , apparently he's working at causeway again . & the way he was smiling at me show that he has been looking at me from afar even before I walked passed his shop . I know eddie , heh . Shall let you guys figure out where though . Isn't it weird how for a period of time he was all I ever wanted and needed , things changed people changed . I do have those moments where I'll just sit down and think about everything and nothing in particular . I do get scared , really scared . The one thing that scares me the most is that if someone can just throw a 3 year relationship away just like that what makes you think you on give up on me somehow , someday ?

I've always believed that there's a reason why I can never take my mind off you , maybe you were meant to be there . Etched somewhere in my brain , kept safe . People go through 4 steps after a break up . They cry , they get clingy , they get mad and then they move on . But I go through the 4 steps over and over again . I keep forcing myself , if you're happy I'll be happy . I once told you that , if happy isn't with me I allow you to leave . Apparently you did , somehow I wished you'd give me a better reason to break up with me , but then what possibly could be the"perfect reason" for a breakup . I'll always make a reason for you to stay .
& I hope that no matter what you're doing out there , whoever you're with know that I'm always here. I'll never show though this still kills as much as I try to push you out from my head you still manage to come back in . You know I'm talking about you , guess you're better at moving on then I will ever be .

I'm going to try & sleep and stop thinking , Ya Allah , for once don't wake me up from my sleep crying because when I do I'll look at my phone and there's still nothing from you and I feel so empty inside . Please don't let me go through that feeling I'm not strong enough . I never fail to look at our pictures on my wall and tear up I dont have the heart to tear it down though , guess I'll be this way then .

withlove,
Syima