firstly i shall not talk about i felt about the papers cause the thought of it makes me want to gag .
so well , go figure .
&& im so in love with the james morrison songgg - you make it real . told you it was nice ! , the song .
'sighs deeply' got this sweet soul persuadg me to finish my art , but my lazy self just want to
like roll my eyes and back off .
but seriously i think i should try .
mummy's is like giving this comp an evil stare , errrr , 'looks back'
i'll be updatg after well rayerr ,
SELAMAAAT HARI RAYER , in advance everyone .

since i havent uploaddd any picts , here goesss .


'pumps fist in the air' im done with my finalllllll . yayyyyy .
time to let go of art for a day and studyy the rest , so yesterday was the first time i went into gaylang this year . it's all the same same , but walkg down the road and along all the shops ,
i rmbred belo , adi they all . since like me , zuzu , ama went with them to gaylang last year . 'sighs'
so well it's the first time it's not so packed , maybe cause we only started shopping at 1 , and headed back around 3 plus . so tiringgg , then me and hahzim decided to get sometg the same , neyhhs .
i cant believe my mum is like persuadg me to wear heels , i'd probably just trip and fall or get the heel stuck in the drain .
'laughs' eventho , im fumbling with my words now and then , i want to say that i love you so .

goddd , im seriously freaking out . Like for real , with goosebumps and all .
im not ready , plus my art like left dangling there .
so much to do , so little time left . GAHHHS*
im tryg , okay . screw this .
im done blogging .

wells, this week been pretty hectic .
okay , i did my hair just now alone and guess what , i went there alone then there's this girl anme syima also . only well , she's white , other than that we were somesort identical , with bangs .
&& ouhh yaa ama laughed at my bangs , 'hides face'

i seriously got nothing else to say actually ; and thanks to liana and sab for like smackg me out of my ''emo mood'' when im alone in class but constantly disturbg me .
damned this , seriously cause im like super busy .
so goodbye world , again .
till , my hair dosent stink ,i'll update again . GAHHHS*

well , today i went to the councilor's the experience was err , well i got no words to actually describe the whole thing tho .
she like dimmed the lights and told me it was better for us to communicate this way , i was like okayy . Like how i know this is going to lead to , they can't take any action as , firstly there's no bruises and this is within my home , apparently the best choice is to get my parents to throw him out , but they tak sampai haty . 'rolls eyes'
i swear this year raye aint going to be the same , i srioulsy got no mood for rayer actually , 'sighs deeply' thanks gfs , for like cursing his smelly arse and well , listening to me .

I don’t really want to say goodbye
I don’t really want to leave you
But now I have to go away
Stay away from you forever

What we had was something special
Deep down from our hearts
But now I have to go away
And leave you from my heart.

'crosses fingers' i hope you guys don't kill me for doing this , 'looks around'

let's take things slow , will update after buke got sometg to say .

this is so awkwarddddd . 'sighs deeply'
wished i wasnt the one needg councilling laa .
'sighs' the tcher replied me , and ow im hoping that i wont regret any of this .
we're actually talkg again , 'spins around' i thought that after the break-up we'd remain enemies like all my others . but , i guess , it does not have to be that way anymore aye ?

&& i need someone to hold me by the hand and hug me and tell me that everytg is going to be okay , and he isnt going to ever hurt me again .

i've been readg each and everyone's blog . still the same same , GAHHS*
basically i cried my bloody stinkg eyes out again , liana im sorry i couldnt be online when i said i would , i hope you dint waited for me .
cause my brother bloody fuck hit me again ; this is so dumb . im going to the councilors serioulsy i had it with him . hazhim even told syida that he hated hisyam , wow big surprise there eyhh ?
GAHHS* im trying to push everytg behind me and move on , but a new darn-ed problem pops up everyday .
i feel , like runng myself over with a truck , and write a letter sayg that he drove me to this , he'd then turn insane , and i'll live happily ever after . blood ties ? i wished mt parents could do sometg about this , but they are just as helpless as i am .

i skipped school today , know sometg wasnt right .
mummy couldnt sleep a wink last night , she kept on cryg . She's runng a fever , 'sighs'
i think baby knows we are giving her away , eyh ? good, why am i so attached to her ? iloveherr .
she isnt a pet for god sakes , sometg you give away when you're sick of it .
&& when i woke up this morng , mummy went to work and brought her along .
most of her things are gone , her play pen is still her tho . im startg to miss kissin herr.

the baby is going to be given away , GAHHS* 'tears fall'
tmrw , someone's taking her away , i miss her already laa, giving her kisses .
then sunday , the social workers comg , gahhs .
you are not who i used to know , how can i make you seee ? that you're meant for me .
in the BLACK BOOK , you'd find the words i cant say .
have i changed ? yeaa, i know that i dint used to be like this . i'd laughed at every single thing .
i dint used to want to be all alone by myself .
the reason i had to be strong is bcus i feel as tho im responsible for a few thngs now , an adult with things to do . I feel as though i have to be strong for everyone in my family , and the weight , is so heavy , tho i'd nver see it as a burden .
i love you , baby .

i wonder why does it have to hurt this bad , knowg sometg but not being able to tell .
feelg sometg but not being able to show . got this nsync song , ''tearing up my heart''
so nice laa . GAHHS* baby's cryg , i scared to carry her , she like don't like me to carry .
mummy put her in my arms , she's really light tho .
'laughs' 'sighs' i pity her , kak ayumi's mum don't want to take care of her .
so poor thing , if i was the baby i'd cry , cause my granny dosent want me , this world is a cruel world . i'd do evrytg possible to protect her from all the evil things .
iloveyouu abby .
i don't want you to be scared for me , cause what i need now is for you to be strong for me baby .

cause i know it's just a matter of time , till i have to set you free no matter what .
din't know that somehow , that time will have to come so soon . I'll be needg you always , puttg my heart on my sleeve . Im forcing myself too , i can't do this to you , i cant go on being selfish this way .it's just now or neever .

im officially a auntyyyyy ! 'laughs' that baby is sure borned on a very special day , 'winks'
so going over to the hospital , alittle after 6 .
cant wait to cradle her in my arms , she'd be the first ever baby that i hold .
cause , well i don't really know how to carry babies , im scared i'd drop them or sometg ,
futhermore , they are very fragile .
i cant waittttttttt .
welcome to the world babbyyyy .

you can try and break us ,
and make us fall us apart but the fire in our hearts
reminisce on memories 'cause we're gone
dont forget to hold back your thoughts
and live like robots cause we all know what goes on
reminisce on memories 'cause we're gone
so close yet so far
but in my heart you're here with me
till now and forever .

you and only you , can hold me up high .
the strength in my veins , the adrenaline rush whenever you're near .
the reason why im still holdg up , with all of this .

horrri-bleeee pict !
all so sweet couple .






so , yesterday i went buke with babes .
started slowww , cause i was seriously late && they say late - comers would not be entertained .
so bad aye ? then , i had to honey-ed my way through the girls before i got them to talk .
'laughs' so in the mrt , i sat opposite liana & saerah , they kept lookg at me and sab , laughg and point . weirdos .
okokokkokkk , went to bugayyyyy , walked around and see stuff ; but like the things there are so boring and the same ; nothing really unique anymore .
thenn , ama came , and liana like so emo .. wanted to walk by herself and all .
i know why tho , you know i know can already .
but girl , seriously , if you don't care , other people won't care either , trust me .
so then , we had to find place to buke already , chance upon a few shops selling like shells necklaces and lots of beads , me and liana were thinkg of the same thing - art .
meet ridzwan and decided on a place , we decided on the err, mayuni omar music cafe .
headed there , ordered before muhsin came . we saw what's his name , ouhh yahh suzaihri ( i think that's how it's spelt ) and rahimah rahim . haahs , she say ama's JAMBU ! 'laughs'
thennn , ridzwan had to go , i stucked with shikin , don't know why all of the sudden i need to talk to him . i nearly got hit by a bus, me and shikin screamed before she pulled me in , goodd . haahs .wheewwww .
then we sat in muhsin's lorry and told ghost stories we drove up to faber what-so-ever . i don't know the name . me & shikin got the creeps , heehs . && that saerahhh kept disturbg me , haahs . so much of not being scared ! we cam-whored there , then headed home , i felt really bad ause i feel like bcus of us , liana got scoldg , her first time going out after 11 . BAHHS*
luckily saerah talked her mom round , ama waved to all so many people ; with hilarious results .
so one by one , ama & muhsin sent home , me & saerah last . reached home only like after 12-ish .overall i had fun , despite the night run to the toilet & nearly getting hit by a bus .
plus , the food delish !

'wipes tears'
i cant believe im crying again , does it makes sense that the one that make you cry is the only one that can make you smile again .
i finally realized , that this bond shared between two people is so fragile .
&& im not it .
im never going to be , it .
you can say the same things , to one person and say it back to me again .
repeatg , what you guys shared is , beyond imagination .
no matter how hard i try , there's always sometg not on my side , pushing me the other way .
i found myself askg why , so many times .
'tears fall' you'd never understand , period .

thanksss sabbbs for yer ''imma rock star'

cause i love it to the sidddddeee .
'cranks neck' why does this always happen to me ? i give up , seriously .
feel asleep , and woke up after maghrib , not a good thing tho .
going to sit down and try and do lots of stuff , like art and finish the whole bio book .
im half-way through , so yeahh .
art ? im so lazy to even lift the pen and do , so im going to force myself .
'pumps fist in the air' i got my billl back ! wooohaaaaaa , yayayayyyyyyyy .
but like what ama said, i want to literally finish my prepaid card , then use my bill back , but i havent switch the sim yet tho .
see, lianaa , easy as peasy ,'sticks out tongue'
confrontation was, yeyyyyy , saw everyone squirmg in their seats .
&& i promise to myself sometg alrdy , and this i swear .

I don't wanna lose you now
we're gonna get through somehow
I don't wanna lose you now or ever
'cause baby i've finally found
the courage to stand my ground
but if you want me, I'll be around forever

We all make mistakes
we all lose our way
but we stood the test of time and I hope
that's the way it will stay
&&& im sorry , if only i could make you see
how much you meant to me .



got this super nice classical song that makes me want to cry , but i cant find the song eyhh .
plus findg the picts for my topic is so hard laa , the pictures i somewhat cleared , i need artist references next . 'sighs heavily' , i feel so panas somewhere , 'shakes head'

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
got got got got, my N' level paper two .
'sighs deeply' shitttttt , went home early just now , for some apparent reason that must be kept under wraps . The doc say they not sure & result would be like next tues . 'crosses fingers'
on top of all this , i got crap form mummy for wantg to buke this fri .
im going to try and ask again tho .
'rolls eyes in criss-cross direction' i feel so damn lethargic , and i still have to find picts and resources . Ouhh , how this wonderful world is so suck-ish from the inside .
haahs , i should really stop like feelg crappish and all .

'touches cheek lightly'
im so effg cold , that my small hair on my hands & legs are standg .
i had it seriously . what this i hear about stories about me eyh ?
i swear , aint once enough ? stop fabricatg stuff that is not true , what's wrong with you people , when puase mth , supposed to be a holy month .
so much for it eyhh , 'rolls eyes'
this is the most stupid rumor of all rumors , haahs .
im with a guy ? with happens to be a 'clears throat'
not for people to read .
SCREW YOU , LOW-LIFES .

is uper enjoyed yesterdayyyyy ! let the picts elaborate more yeahh ?


'laughs' the freaks-y much ?
cause i love rok-a-by babby .

the duplicate of me , only taller , sissy , heck , ilya .







'mouths hangs open' 'shuts mouth before lalat masuk'
yesterday was wow , i seriously thought that everyone was going msia laa .
i got a post-celebration for my bdae ! 'laughs' super-funnayyyy .
so around like what , ten plus in the morng , my handphone vibrated like crazy ; got a call from shirin sayg she got hit by some looneys , so she asked me teman her to the docs .
i quickly got dressed and all panickg , then when i turun to meet her , i was like ,''eyh ? rok ? eyhh , inaa ?'' then ina held this big box , and sang for me the first verse of happy bdae beofre i covered my face . haahs .
i opened it and theres like cupcakes with red icing on it spellg ''happy bdae syima''
wow . haahs , i was awestruck laa .
then we went to the interchange , and i got blindfolded and had to stuff music into my ears .
then , sat in the middle of no where , without my glasses and then find them .we like played bowlg and pool , then cary tempat for buke . eventho , to you guys thought it was poorly planned , i appreciate every second of it alryt babes . && it was just too bad , that inaa had to go home first , but your presence was pricless , 'winks'
THANKYOUUUUUUUUU ! muaaaarrrrkks . i've cupkaes to last me for sixteen dayss .
&& the cupcakes was super-delish , hazhim wants some for his bdae , 'laughs'

IM FINALLLLLY 16!
'pumps fists in the air' PLUSSS, WE FINISH THE FIRST ROUND OF PAPERRRSS .
despite the rain & tears that i shed yesterday , i still had fun . syida came in jumping on my bed shoutg happy bdae at 12 midnight 'laughs'
rok darlg was the second one to wish me happy bdae exactly sharp at 12 midight and 33 seconds.
'laughs' well i does not matter , who wished at what time , or what soever .
it's the thought that counts .
i want to say a biggggggg ''THANKYOUUUUUUUUU'' to evryone , that made my day special && to rok who nearly got into trouble with her mummy , shirin ; make me feel better with all her jokes & funny faces .
haahs , and liana and ama who console me , to stop cryg after the dumb s.s paper .
AHHHHH , and inaa who gave me a huge hug in the morng , zuzu who shouted across the room .
andd , saerah who badly wanted to be the last one , too bad someone beat you . 'wicked smile'
&&& to everyone and anyone , if sorry if i forgot names but i would just like to say thankyou !
so hazhim was the last one , i was like , ''zhimm , you forgot my bdae eyhh ?'' , he turned around raising a finger and went into his room and came back with a present in his hands .
'laughs' i ran over to hug him , but he lifted me into the air spinning me around .
so giddy .
then mummy know that i hated cakes so she bought like hersey pies the ones you find at burger kind and put them toghter formg a cake . 'smiles' superr sweet .
with a umbrella & a jacket comfortg me , i went home .