nothing is going to stop me from saying this ..

AMA LOVES HER DONUTS !

haahs .

'smiles'

i got a feeling i know who lia ,ila whatever fuck is .

cause .. i recognise the handwriting   .

pathethic sec one .

she's only making us famous by saying all those stuff . ouhhh thankyeww ila!

haahs .

im having a fucking headache .

i so want to quit PH.

'sighes'

i think it's time to bid farewell . But im not sure if im even up to it .

my heart is telling me to wait , he'd turn back soon ., but my brain is telling me that he loves her now .

it's all so complicated . And like hell im skeptical .

People is telling me to move on . But heyy ..

it's not that simple ,as if i close my eyes and it'd dissapear .

waahaa .
yeah yeahh . congrats to all my syg syg getting the top ten in class .
work harder next year . Like me FREAKING maths (hah!mrs.seah i said freaking maths again)
sabbie .. the papers are same . study hardd . I like hell for sure know that you can make it .
zuzu ! next year?'smiles'
study from now .. my mummy has agreed to sign us up already .
im going to quit work soon . it's bloody tiring .. now i know how daddy feels .

yesterday night i had to work and i was already feelg light-headed .
But i didn't want to show .
But suddenly , my whole body sweat cold & hot .
And i feel like wanting to lie down . Luckily my clique was like asking me are you okay ?.
I told her to take over from me then my whole vision was blurry black .
I couldn't , see anything then i use my sense of touch to feel the toilet door .
I gently pulled it .
There's was someone inside .
i Accidentally grab the customer's hand .
I couldn't see anything already i bluntly walked from the place there to my staff room.
After that the next thing i knew was i could see my manager's face and my clique faces infront of me . I just wanted to puke seey .
I guess i fainted . heehs .

i went to school . it felt suckish . i used to love going to school meeting people but school seems so draggy lately . im scared to step into sec4 . It's like when all the stress starts . .

Im starting to hate art . I hate doing all the prep work . Instead now days i just want to sleep and sleep , like i said to numb everything else .
I smile and laugh the way i do because it way simpler than crying till my eyes and nose hurts .

Where's all the motivation when i need them ? goshh why is this year turning to be such a mess .

eyys .
well . im at home . i got somekind of concussion in my head .
Like when you really miss someone so badly you get all light headed and all and all you want just for it to be numb , even though if it's for a while at least till you can feel the ground again .

well, in this post id state the things i really miss not according to any order .
I MISS you eddie i seriously yes i do . If i could just rewind time , id bring you back , take you in
my arms and never ever let you go . I havent excatly been sane after you left . When id want to remember you i'd just close my eyes and reminisce but it's getting hard lately . I need you back . I havent told you how much you meant to me .

I MISS bahar . after she left last year , she took care of me, i never felt out . i felt included .
she won't be coming back . won't she ? Although i hated her sweaty palms and her annoying repeating attitude . Im starting to miss her like hell now .


I MISS yusra , 'sadly laughes' me and her had wild times . yes we did .
although she was two years older it din't matter . we fitted together like peanut and butter .
she wouldn't leave me alone although she had yan . but things did changed when she was with yan , i dint tell her though . But i knew she cared about him more , but i still loved her like hell .
She taught me the simple facts of life through the most funniest moments we had .
But then came the time that she had to leave the school , no matter how badly i wanted her to stay i knew i cudnt make her do that right ?

I MISS falina , she and yusra , bahar and rahayu were like my big sisters . They make sure if i fell they'd get me back on my feet . Wiped away those silly tears and make sure i was strong enough to continue . Falina and me we bonded in weird ways , we could fight like hell but i know if i called her crying she be on the phone with me all night making sure i was alright before putting down the phone .

I MISS sec two . All the crazyness we had. The late nights we had studying with all the flavored smoke in the air . That was when bahar left . I used to rely completely on yusra, falina , bahar and rahayu but when she left i felt all alone . so i tried to be independent and make friends with people like zuzu , sab , alip , fiq, faizal they all . I always had the feeling like if they are going down , id go down with them . I miss how me , zuzu and sab relied on each other . Did everything togther .

I got my memories and they would last .
Id remember every one of you & and all the things that we been through .
There's a mixed of emotions i feel right now which i don't know to put in words .
I'd never be that far away from you , so don't let me slip by .

ugh! spent yesterday . the whole day at suspension . heyy ! my hair is not that obvious right . i mean it looks natural . me and zuzu went nuts singing to each other . we talked so darn much till our DM came and separated us. i had to sit beside an express guy . i forgot his name though . then my mummy came saving the day . but it was already one o'clock and school let out at 1.50 . but at least seh came although syabir make problems again and she had to be at two places at once . she still came . 'Mr smiley face so darn nice . he went to find for us black hair spray and he got one from hilman. and in order to get that spray he went to wash his hair so that his hair colour would be shown . i was like hell freaking out for hym seyy . he already got himself into CBO and now he want problems with his hair . went jalan rayer with sab ama they all . zuzu dint want to tag cause she wnated to sleep .'smiles' well nvm us . we did have fun but we din't get to go cikgu hamizah house when we promised too . shit . me and sab had a long talk yesterday . we wanted to go mac cafe but but my pri school freinds from christ church were there . so we sat somewhere and talk . i had to control myslef from crying i tell you . i fell that i can live without him , but actually i can't . that 'PRINCEchamrg's girlfreind and him uses the same words we do . for example : b ,(like baby) 'smiles' you know the inverted commars i always use? yeahh they are using it too . im getting fuck up . sompart of me wants to be happy for him . but i can't stand it you know . when i see couple and all . i getting sick in my eyes . wanting him even more badly just to be like what we used too . and like one more thing . i always use NESS . for example . coolNESS . hauteNESS . she uses it too now . i feel so weak i can't compete . im giving in .

a debut to hym .

i miss my ORIGINAL 'PRINCEchamrg .
wheew .
i brought new ear piece ! audio techinca .
hazhim says that's the best brand . haahs .
wells . i tried to drag ama to go fo teh science thingy but she mati don't want . i thought she'd surprise me by like wearing p.e and went taa-da !
but she dint't but aty least she still wore yellow ! my shirt color . haahs .
then we went go buy ear piece and met liana . i indulged myself onto my music instead of paying any attention of the people around me .

so this is like the second time im like tpying to youu .

but guess what!!

eddie's not here !  yeah yeah .

i don't even knwo how to face hym if so seyys.

im mean like what the hell .

i can feel my face burning like fuck !

haahs .

'smiles'

well well . 

eyys . wells today is the second day i never go school . im not lazy kieys ?
well im lyke currently addicted to a song called outta my system by bow wow .
if eddie heard that i like this song . he'd like laugh at me cause i don't usually listen to the hip and hopping . haahs .
Is it wrong for me to feel this way, you been running through my mind all day
Can you feel me?
I been trying get you off my mind, but I cant after all this time
That's what kills me

I remember everything that me and you talked about
Me and you had our whole lives planned out together
And if I could, I would, turn back the hands of time and correct all my mistakes that I ever did
But now I guess I gotta move on, right?
It's still hard and I still love you till this day

yesterday we went rayer with fiq all that . there were like more then 30 plus combined with belo and the gang .
i din't thought that belo was coming sey . was fun urhs .. but most of us were like damn tired since it was after school . although i din't go to school heehs .
ama told me that i failed my Mt but overall i passed . that's good .
and i passed my comb. sci .
i want to go to school and see my paper .
'sighes' im having diarrhea . my stomach is like grr rmmm .

f this . i think right . im just forcing myself to like rifaie .he's not really like 'wow'
i still can't forget my 'PRINCEcharmg . my original 'PRINCEcharmg .
and now rumors are spreading that im with let's name him 'SIR teddy .
well there's rumors that me and 'SIR teddy are together . and when i heard it , i was wth .
that's one thing i hate about him i mean like i can't trust him . he's really like really different when his with me , when his with his friends . i need to talk to him .

i can't let rumors that aren't true go around . yes his kind . yes his there for me ..
but that doesn't make it acceptable .'sighes'

rayer on the first day was darrnn tiring !. but i would like to wish all muslim's SELAMAT HARI RAYERRR .
nyeehs .
i went to my nenek sebelah bapak .
first time in 3 years seyys .
'smiles'
go they already kene feed with food . im getting fatter even after puase seyy .
neyehas,
then go to my nenek sebelah mak.
talk talk . dona wasnt there ! my favourite cousin laaa .
hehes .
then went to my auntie house . i want to take the grape kan then i terjatuh on the floor seyy . everyone laugh at me lyke hell .
so malu . neyehs .
then we proceed to my mum's godmum house so called our nenek urrhs .
form 8-12 we are there. waiting for my dad pick us up .
me and hazhim so sleepy we went into the room and sleep . but in the end we cudt sleep so me and hym end up talking .
syida tido flat glerr . the zuzu caleed me at 12 sharp seyy when i want to sit at the osim cahir down there. so sedap they massage !
hehehes .
we talked talked .
then i had to go to the hospital emergency unit for hisyam he wnat do don't know what kind of check-up .
haahs .
i slept on the chair of the hospital . we went home around 3 .
then today i had to worrk sheesh! neyehs

OMG !
neyhs . yesterday was darn fun!yes yes it was . like hell seyy .
yes yes . went out with ama,zuzu,belon ,fiq lyiana ,zal,mizah imran ,said ,belo, megat ,adi,remi,penyu .. wahh i cant rember larrhs the rest SORRY!
we went to hey mickey i meant ang mo kio hub .
i saw my ex-staff member from LJS.
but i feel bad that i dint you know like approached them to atleast say ' hi' or something .
then went to city hall pick up zuzu and board the oncoming train to GAYlang .
the place was like soo darn PACKED ! .i held on onto ama hand i dint want to get LOST!.
then we went to the foodcourt to buke .at least got space sey . ama went to meet muhsinbut there wasn't enough space for them so they eat else where .

i gobbled down yong tau foo !me and mizah's favourite urhhs e . neyhsh .
then went jalan , jalan at gaylang . belo and zuzu want to try eat dengdeng ! guess what it was thier first time sey eating it . penyu told zuzu it was tortise meat . 'laughes'
bad sey penyu .

then walked walk went to this i don't want place make alot of commotion seyy .
the people all look at us.
haahs . but we laugh laugh then take pics with remy's phone .
but adi stupid big head blocking me seyy !
hahas ,
kk larhs . i tired ledi .. 'laughes' nyeshh .

well ouhks i was bored while doing art so i decide to take a picture . and im not finished yett .
and exam is this thurs ! YAHHH.


today was err jerky ?
my f nike ear piece spoilt ! goshh . like one side can't hearr . so dumb seyy .
i dint study anything last night instead i watch hikmah last episode some more .
neyhhs .
but the ending sucked sey . stupidd . then i cudnt sleep like until 12 .
i lie on my bed tossing and turning .
today is maths paper 2 and Mt paper 2 .
mother tongue i like did anyhow . my eyes could barely open seyy .
neyhhs .
maths was ouhk larrhs . but i did do the whole of question 5 . neyhhs .
then we have to use the fomula a2+b2=c2

i forgot how to do seyy .haeshh .
after school zuzu wnet missing . our class finish late cause we started late urrhs . then most of the N2s all waiting outside our class . but i couldn't see her . weird?

i feel that there's this stupid HUGE wall is blocking .
i actually feel awkward went talking to her . wth ?
make it stopp .

BUMPP into syafiq and jazli just now .sheshh .
they say 'PRINCEchamrg's name really loudly ..
i MISS sec 2 .
then i didn't have to deal with all this sorts of stuff . it was 24/7 laugh , fun and the close bonds .
'sighes'

eyyes .
went into school i got nearly hit by the car . goshh close shot.
it's the second time . i was too engrossed with my music that i forgot to look at the oncoming cars .
f this .
then i couldn't get any freaking shyt about geo into my head .
i force feed myself with the notes .
then i reached school people were like rushing around with notes .
'sighes' while walking back to the library . belo saw me and called me .
i smiled and talked to hym for a while when i notice his hawt jacket ! so darn nice seyys .

wells . maths was the first paper .. the subject i darn like hell loft seyy . but surprisingly it was like darn easy .not to boast or anytg but hell yeah it was .
the next paper was geo .
that paper wanted to make me cry . it was darn hard . i never ever came across a hard geo paper . i was cursing the paper sey .

fast foward ! me and ama went to Cp to get for baby and wlf a ball and some bedding and hamster stuff .
instead of going home after that . we went shopping ! we brought this cardigan with drums . mine was identical with ama only hers was white .

neyhhs .
i chatted with eddie for a while . it was like as if he wanted to make me cry seyys .
well congratulations eddie . you did ! happy now ?
wtf .. i want to pull all the strands of hair form my head . what the hell is he tryg to do?
use words to slice my whole fucking heart .. and savouring every inch of it? wtf seyy .
i just it really it over .
'covers face' ' inhales and exhales darn slowly' 'tears fall' f this .
haeshh .

i mish hym larrhs seyy .
iknow i can't get hym back . and it kills me badd .
luckily he's dan far away form me .. and there's no chance of me bumping into hym no matter how much i want too .
i don't know how to face hym . so darn confused now . even my sis told me to give up .
she knows hym better noww than i do . i miss hym .

mummy said i looked like 6 yrs one in this pic .
weiis ..
i still cant believe i have to werk todayys .
weird mush .. since today in the morning full house .
so f effing irritating seyy this famoly want this want that . then no no i want this pulak .
feel like smacking their with the tray .
hehs . but got to fake a smile sheesh . went home with farah .
i go through the geo notes in my head all the things i can remember ..
since i dint bring any notes with me .
nyahh ! so tired .
but going to stay all nyte today and study geo .
wells im going to take back baby and elf mayb on tues .
i mished them soo much! wait ama make them fat seyy .hehs
got to get them a wheel .. to run with .
well just now darlarr i never puase still got the cheeck to ask people make for me pasta .
rifaie treat me like his little adek seyy . so cute!
but then charles who always call me fatty always work nyt urrhs .
then by the tyme he come and tease me like f .. im already going home ..

its just me and belo ..

yesh yesh . before i forget . i realy want to thank belo .
i mean last year i thought that he was some criminal just escape from jail or something .
i dint really talk to him though . it's just like hi and bye .
but i dint know when i started though . when belo started to be soo kind towards me .
he treated me like a princess i truly feel appreciated. like when i scream ''BELO!''
he'd be .. yer syg ?? haahs . he'd always be there on the double .

id never be LEFT ALONE .
neyehshs . sumthymes he'd be damnm irritating seyy .
like he'd grab my rubber band and pull it off my head .
but lately his learning to tie my hairr .
wee .






i do really care about hym . i can just call him or text hym when im on the verge of breaking down .'smiles at the thought of it'


thayew belo for always being there for me .

Glass hailed from the sky that night
I couldnt hide to save my life
Standing drenched from open wounds
You took my hand and pulled me through

I want to give you everything
Ill give you my all
because you gave me
You gave me your lips,
a gentle kiss; the medicine to cure my pain

Listen to all of this glass shudder
once pierced my ears
and made them bleed
Now it sounds so beautiful
cuz your beautiful
Your beautiful

I want to give you everything
Ill give you my all
because you gave me
You gave me your lips,
a gentle kiss; the medicine to cure my pain

gagagugu.
neyehshs . wells hazhim is going to msia agaen !! wth? by this sunday . i hope i an see him before his departure seyy . but id be working . fuck this. i cudnt ask for off larrhs .
wth?
but he'd be back before raye urrhs . one day before rayerr .alahai .. gna mish hym .
i fell soo dammnn freaking ... left out !
i can't hear anyone talking about what they are going to wear for rayer with their boyfie .
i can't stand it . i feel lyk ripping my ears . i dun have anyone to spent it with and that sucks cause i chose it to be this way . im not jealous i think . im just irritated .
the saddest thing is , when i with someone my phone would be 24/7 ringing off the hook , but nowdays , there would not be even one fking text msg or miss call .
i feel as if i been thrown ed away and forgotten .


been a sucky friend to that someone. it's not that i don't want to hear her talk abot him , laugh about the stupid things he said or the jokes that he made .and discuss how he look and confess that he does really look hot or something . but it kills me so .
'sighes'

i preoccupied my self with reading& studying and blasting my ears . or numb everything by just going to sleep .

i want 'PRINCEcharmg back . but no matter how many time i text hym i say it won't bring him back .yes i made a mistake .
and now im trying to make it right . but guess what . i can't .