Finally after what seems like forever I met up with my girls , though two wasn't present we dearly wished that you guys would come for the next one . Initially it was drizzling but when we settled down the rain stop and we started enjoying ourselves . Decided to put all my worries and sadness and my handphone away for just one day and enjoy myself . These girls seriously made my day , with their sillyness and zuzu forever making me her subject of amusement . I seriously enjoyed myself , more to come right girls ? Love you guys now till forever .


It's been whole day & you only texted one time throughout the whole day . You'd never see how much you mean to me , your not trying . I dont know why Im addicted to the song called "TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART" heh , oldie song . But I seriously love it , maybe it's bcus I've been watching too much Glee . Bloody addictive show ,
last but not least HAPPY DADDY'S DAY ! I love you daddy , thankyou for bringing me up for so many years and never even raising one finger at me before , you and mummy mean the whole to me . love you .

It's true when people say that you can fight with the person most closest to you , bcus of money . Be it your mum , or your dad , your brother , your grandparents , anyone .
It tears people apart , it eats them up so far down till it's too late and you won't realize that finally , you lose the person that once cared so much about you .
Sometimes , I wished for all so many things . To be with you , just hearing you breathe in and out . Be in your arms , call you in the middle of the night and you just ready to catch me when I fall , whenever however . Just now , I realized that wishes remain wisheS and not everyone and everything would go according to plan . The truth is people are just going to hurt you , you just have to find the ones that are worth hurting for . If I din't want the best for you , I would have left so long ago .


before I sleep , I'd just think about all the shit that happens and the good stuff too . I'd text you about the stuff bothering me at that moment but you dont get it , you never do .

This was taken on Sunday when I had my group meeting , I swear I'm sorry Desiree I wasn;t there to support you , you know that I would have come if I had the chance right ? Im sorry ,go on and call me a bitch , I deserve it .
I sad to say that only our appetizer made it , our Pink Ink Drink smelled and tasted like crap . Only Utt dared to try it and wanted somemore , sheesh . Heh , Our Apple Crunch burnt in the oven halfway , and our main course became a burger . We changed the recipe so much that it eventually became a burger .

Then today I was working but then halfway I experience pain at the side of my stomach it was so extreme that I couldn't even stand . I went into Concess to tell Hazel that I wanted to sit down but eventually fainted . Bahh* When I woke up I was sweating cold sweat and lying down the worst part was my body was aching . Mhedz wanted to sent me home but I declined his offer and took the cab money home myself .
Baby is so concerned but instead of thinkg about my pain , Im thinkg about her stress and how Im going to help her . As a result I neglect myself , but Its all for her so it's worth it .
Mummy , how I wished that you'd care more about me , how I wished you would'nt vent your anger on us when your actually mad at him , Daddy I how I hope you would'nt shout at Mummy bcus your are just as helpless as her , I wished that you would not blame her for every shit that he does . DADDY & MUMMY , how I wished you guys would open your eyes and see that he isn't worth fighting for . How I wished that I wouldnt have to fight with you all every single time I disagree that your always sacrificing everything for him , OUR FAMILY , YOUR JOBS , YOUR MONEY YOUR TIME . How I wished that he din't exist in our lives at all , how I wished that he wouldn't leave my mum crying for him every night for his mistakes . I wished he ceased to exist , I swear that our family would be so much happier . Why oh why god , why .. 'tears fall'
You bloody fuck , you dragged everyone in this shit with you , fucker . We do not want to get involve it's your shit . Now mummy and daddy is so stress up thinkg about you they are venting it on us , fucker . & I have to be woken up early in the morning only to hear you guys arguing and see a dozen of people in the living room with an expression that says they wished could fucking kill you . Fuck you for making my only childhood exprience a living hell , fuck you .

I need to be surrounded by people who loves me right now , like really . 'screws face' AMAAAAA WHERE ARE YOU ?
Cause I remember every word that you said , It keeps spinning around in my head and It doesn't matter what I try to do cause I'll keep forgetting to forget about you .
Every time you said that your daddy this , your grandma this , I'll just keep quiet . I hate the feeling of people resenting me , esp if it's your family . They are you family , do you know how important family is to me ? At the end of the day love , it is them that would provide for us , care for us put a shelter our our heads . Tell me baby , that it's going to be alright . Tell me that in due time they would forget , tell me baby despite everything you would always always try to make things better .



whyamifeelingsofuckingdownwhywhywhy?screwthis.
cause everything we've been through is everything about you .

Gosh , I just don't understand why I'm feeling this way . Why did you have to come running back ? Screw you ass . I miss the person that would call me kiddy and pat my head . Whenever I'm crossing the roads you never fail to hold me by the hand pull me along . I miss the person that would stare into my eyes making me feel that it's just us sitting at Pastamania and no one else . I miss the person who would pull my hand away from my mouth so that she could hear me scream in the theater . I miss the person whom I would fight with whenever it comes to paying something , eventually you always win . I miss the person who would bring me sight-seeing knowing it's my favorite thing to do , by the beach just to talk about anything , our fears , our goals . I miss the person that brought me to her house to get to know her family and freinds . I miss the person that would scold me , calm me down , care for me whenever however . I miss the person that would wake up for me in the middle of the night whenever I have a bad dream . I miss the person who felt asleep on the sofa with her mouth open . I miss the person that would fight with me about songs and who found it first . I miss the person that lend me her phone cause my battery was flat and i brought it home for 5 days . I miss the person that took me in her arms and took out her slipper to squash the roach . I miss the person who cried for me at Esplanade telling me not to go . I miss the person who cried in her work place toilet cause I was leaving . I miss the person that would text we seriously long text messages why I shouldn't go . I used to cry to you about so many things that I find it hard that I can't do the same now .

I miss you , I always wondered why did you have to fall in love with me instead of being my friend . We would have been great friends , I'm sorry I broke your heart but
I hope you understand that we will never be together . I understood you your fears , your wants your needs .

Hey , lovelies . Baby Kilah apparently isn't a baby anymore , she's so adorable seriously . She slept over my house for a day but I had to work , darn-ed . So I woke up early in the morning to play with her , I want her first language to be English but since she doesn't live with us she speaks more malay and when I speak to her in English she doesn't understand . 'sighs' I wished that I had more time with her , I told her " Kilahhh smile kilahh ..." Then she say , " mineeee " and that's when I snap the picture of her . But it's sad when she cries for her caregiver which she calls nenek instead of my mum . I know my mum tries hard to hide her sadness but I know her too well .
On the bright side , Mummy took just 4 days off to spend time with us and I'm glad to say that we have become closer , heh . Me like it alot , asked her to shop with me and all . I seriously love that we get to spend time with each other .


& today morning I went out of my house on a empty stomach and when I reach causeway I had a terrible headache . Very clever syima , heh . I mostly slacked and slept at home and irritated my Mum and painted Hazhim's nails pink !
Now , I'm waitg very patiently for my baby to get home , miss her very much already . I'm glad that we manage to work things out , esp you since you are very patient with me willing . But next time I hope that you won't go angry the whole day , Im sorry . Sometimes , when I say things , I don't really think about the consequences . I just want the best for you , cause you , deserve the best .
I love you .

These girls crack me up every single day , Zanna and Ayu fight to keep me sane & you know what Ayu din't vote me as monitress as she was afraid that I would'nt have time to spent with her with my duties and all . Sweet kan ? Adui , she's a year younger than me yet so mature . But no one has even come close to my girls ,i love them a hell lot eventhough I dont get to see them as much as I would like to these days .Ama , liana , zuzu, sab , ina , mizah i miss you guys . 'sighs'

Where can I turn when Im so uncertain , who can I talk to when you're not there ? Cause you said forever me and you . But you left .. & now I'm killing myself for all that I feel . I'm sorry , I just want you to stop your habit . How would you feel if I was the one doing it ? And you can't do anything except to just hope and pray that you'd change . If I get mad at you , you'll get mad at me and I dont want to fight , I dont want to fight with you cause i love you so . You're driving me insane , you're no longer the person I thought I knew . The person that would listen to what I have to say when I'm sad, saying "takmu emo-mo-mo" . Be sweet to me in all so secretive ways , do stupid stunts to see how much I care for you .I miss that , i miss you . Up till now , you still can't see how much you mean to me , do I ahve to take my heart out from my chest to show you that it beats your name ? Or the fact that you're the only reason I want to ever live at all . That I dont if you're wrong or right or you just murdered someone , but as long as you're with me I'm okay ?


fxck this feeling,iwanttohitmyselfrealllybadlynowimsorrybutiloveyou.

Choices , choices . Right or left ? Why is it that I always follow my heart instead of my head . See the shit that I've gotten myself into , we as a group shouldn't have lied in the first place , lied into making them believe that our playkit is nearly done . I have yet to see it for myself and the best part is that the deadline is drawing closer and I'm freaking out . It's my marks too you know , I can't have someone irresponsible running my chances . Am I being selfish ? Hardly , we can have fun as soon as everything is done . Why don't you guys get it ? Damnn , wished I was with Zanna's group , or Angie's . Friends are friends , I promise that I'll catch you if you fall but why are you letting me fall also ? GAHHS* I hate this .
I honestly believe that you have it inside of you , really . I know that you can speak , can do . Why don't you show it to the world instead of making it some hidden talent . I want this cert badly guys , really badly cause I wanna go poly . I wanna do well , I wanna be somebody .

I didn't know that ITE life could be so stressful , projects after projects . The worst part ? Our class is super competitive . REALLLLYYYY , no seeing their individual project and all . Secrecy they claim . Well , it seems like it's every man for himself aye ? But I'm sure my darlings would still help me .
On a brighter note , GSS IS HEREEEEEE . Finally baby and I are going shopping and spent some quality time together , seriously can't wait . Heh .

For the past 3 days I have been working back to back and like finall last night i feel sick , to make things worst . There's this woman puke on her lappy and herself , seeing it makes me wanna barf too but her loving husband rush to her side offering her water and tissues . How sweeet , 'smiles' Then I went to the toilet and put my wallet beside the sink but it felt in what I dint know is that there was "kahak" in it & I touched it . EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW , my wallet was covered in it , I immediately threw it away . Ama still can laugh at me , hmpf !

Surrounded with people around me and I still feel so alone , how is that possible ? I gave myself away and I got nothing left to lose but still so alone . I din't choose this or did I ? My heart is stuck and this feeling is breaking me up and I can't talk to you . Let alone see you , fish . This sucks , honestly .
Tell me how do I carry on without this heavy burden in my heart everyday and you're not even here so that I can watch over you , care for you . I pray for you every single day , even my mom does . How am I suppsoed to ask you to cheer up when it's nearly impossible to put a smile on my face anymore .

I pray/hope that everything would be alright .

To A ,
I miss you , 'screws face' I always knew that I could run to you whenever regardless of anything , even if I had a swelling tummy I knew that you'd sit me down and talk to me . So how did it come to this ? I don't want to text and to call you afraid what I might hear , but you have already said sorry . F shit , 'kicks self' Don't leave me in this cruel world alone , you know that I still need you . This is the first time after 3 years that we've been apart and I HATE IT . Despite of all the people that has appeared in my life at this point of time , I know they won't stay . You will always stay , I love you 'tears fall'.

AHHHHHHHH , fine . Today I'm in a super emo mood , I watched Bride Wars and it suck because the show taught me how close the two brides/bestfriends are . So close that somehow your bestfreind actually knows you more than you know yourself . The show only made me miss A , evenmore . 2Months since we met , how long do you plan to go ?
Don't you miss me ? Screw this .

Firstly I hope that you like what I've given you baby , I hope by now you know that you're the only one I want , need and love . You're the only person that keeps me sane . Don't love kay , I actually cried while writing the last page of the book , heh . Sick right ? Cause it's from the heart .

Well the pictures above are compilation of pictures since the first week of school till yesterday . Consists of Zanna , Ayu , Mai , Sue , Kah , Jannah , Anis . Those are form my class , but got one girl not in my class but she's not in our class but she hangs out with us like regularly , Liana . Heh , THANKS , for picking me up form the ground when I was feeling down just now .
Have even the second month into the course and Im feeling stress up already , but I'm sure my group can do it . RIGHHHHTTTT XTREMMMESSSS !? Heh .
Baby is struggling to learn POA in a few days case exams are round the corner , luckily baby's friends are patient enough to teach her since she never learn POA at all in secondary school . You're a fast learner , love , you have always been .

Life seems to be sailing smoothly these days , I love the fact that me and baby dont fight like we used to no more . YAYNESSSS , kay . I'm shagged , nights world .

Everyone everyone been so busy with school , so am I . Projects has already been streaming in and I thought that Higher Nitec would be laid back my bet & the best part of all of it is that my class is super competitive so everyone is pushing everyone to do their best . We have already failed once , we are certain we won't repeat the same phase again .

I joined netball but somehow I sucked at it , so Im quitting and continuing with photography . & Im super tired , I work like crap still the pay is unsatisfying , damn-ed . But I have to hold on and pull through cause I know I can , heh .
I know Zanna and Ayu only for a few weeks yet they care about me like asthough we have known each other for years , it's amazing . BUt I still miss talking with my usuals until I end up talking about the things Me , Ama , Liana , Shirin , Zuzu , Mizah , Sab , Ina , Desiree used to do . Heh , dumb but super fun and it helps me get through the day .

Maybe you can clearly see that I miss you , I want to spent time with you but somehow you're always pushing me away with a " No , you wont understand " You're not even giving me a chance , help me understand what's hurting you , why are constantly running away from me , don't be like 'her' saying Im too good for her . Whatdaafish .
I love you and I'll accept all your imperfections which makes you perfect in the end . The fact that the both of us are still standing here together says alot doesn't it ? Nearly 2 years love , 2 years . It may be a short period of time for you , but to me 2 years is a really long time . You're special to me , cause you're mine for keeps . Just try to understand how I feel also , in a relationship there are two people , I have feelings too you know . I ask questions and all not just to get you piss on purpose , it's because I want to be reassured .
A few more days love .



lastly , I miss a whole bunch of people , 'screws face'

It's the third day of school , damn I hate changes . I hate starting all over again where no ones knows what you're name is , how crazy you can be .
If I were to say that I love going to school , I'd be lying . It's ok , I can click with everyone since like 95% of them are girls , but then again like secondary school all of them has groups . Time and time again I ask myself why I always befriend with the quiet people in class maybe cause I love to see how they change in the end .
Like this girl Zanna that is always with me , on the first day we exchange shy smiles and well I talked quiet alot and it managed to get her to start talking .

But then again , its seriously different . I miss my other classmates so badly already , especially those in the same school as me . I can't freaking see baby eventho we're in the same sch , whatdaa . Then I'm still working , so Im going to be super busy .
Thankyou Liana for texting me in class , keeping me company , knowing the discomfort I feel . Thankyou for always looking out for me , taking the initiative to look for me , always , i love you .


& Zuzu thankyou for going home with me , hearing me out , you don't know how it made me feel . Thankyooou , I love you more than any pussies on any sideburns . Heh .

Happy anniversary love , we're in a different class this year , f damn ! It feels like crap without you around , seriously . But From the looks of it you're loving you class , and I wont stand in the way other than to be happy for you .

Those were at SBDC . Super long-tiring-super-fun-smexy-sweaty-day .
Tiring cause the previous day I worked till 3am and the next day I woke up at 9am , how sucky . Just cause I can't fall back to sleep , GAHHS*
...I've long forgotten about you.
Had this talk with Desiree and was meaning to blog it out , we were taling about school and friends and how we all used to be so close . Noticed I used the word 'used' , well cause we're not now . We came form the same school , shared the same interests and well mostly everything but then we had to take different routes that's how we drifted . It takes alot , to still constantly be in someone's life , constantly call them text them , if not just one day could really make a difference . They could just slipped away , and before you know it , when you see them outside you'd probably be debating with yourself if you should pretend to not notice that they are there or smile and walk away . & then you ask yourself how did it ever come to this . But if you force yourslef to think back it's ayou forctually your ego and your lack of incentive to find the other party thus letting them slip away . If they really mean alot to you like how you claim they are , you would never let them have the chance to slip away . This takes alot of effort , I should know . I do it everyday .

Was on the phone with Zuzu awhile back , I know exactly how you feel . Trust me , when you feel like whining your heart's desires to your other half they ask you to shut up , wanting them to call you in the middle of the night just to say that they love you , but they never do . Wanting to just cuddle up to them and play with their fingers and sharing thoughts , doubts and fears but time and time again they push you away . And you go looking for another , to fill you with love , who loved you first , who treats you all so amazingly . But when the other party finds out , you guys , fight , cry and he tells you why you shouldn't go , why he loves you . & because of that you stayed cause that was all you wanted in the first place . But then again , he takes you for granted yet again , and the vicious cycle starts all over again until one of you throws in the white flag . Talking doesn't help , crying just makes you feel better momentarily , shit happens . But , I always always believe in this zuzu darlg , if it's love then let hurt . If it means you bleeding in the end , the one at the losing end ... Just because it's love .

I wonder why Im so emotional , darned . Maybe cause of last nights twisted events , only Desiree knows , 'sighs' thanks for being there , hearing me out and reminding me constantly who's the really there for me . Well , Baby's back all I ask from you is not to take me forgranted .

HYEE .
I'm syima and lately I love my life , there's no pain no fear anymore . I longer feel insecure and it's amazing . It's like I know I'm falling again but I dont do anything to stop it cause I know that someone is going to catch me .
Well , what have I been doing this week aye ? Work alot & Ninie has laid her eyes on this new guy and she's all smitten by him it's so cute ! Sup cute can ?
Work has been same same , but I heard sometg about someone , shall not be irrational and listen to it until prove is given . & Shahril quit being sucha ass can ? But you got help me alot laa kay . Haahs .

AHHHH , I've nothing to blog about . Except went to the Marina resort dont know what interview today , safe to say it went smoothly . Higher pay , like finally , but even greater responsibility . I'm not sure if I want to continue working and schooling at the same time but on the hand I want to stop asking my parents for cash everytime and I want to be able to be responsible for myself . But it's going to be hard , I'm super glad that Ama and Nadrah would be there also . Hopefully I can 'smiles'
Baby call I laa , aiyer ! I know you can be way better than this if you want to .Plus , once again we're in the same school ! Another 2 more years , love .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIZAH , 'grins like a mad person' finally legal , hee . I hope that your wishes and dreams come true on this very special day , and I hope you'd love the things that I left in your fridge (eventho you did most of it !) . Heh ♥♥
Thankyou for disturbing me nearly everyday of your life , and fightg with me most of the time then cryg and making up . We're sick , heh but still ♥
HAPPY BDAY !

Worked till 1 last night & Hafiz said that I looked as though I haven't sleep for days . Whatdaa , that's what happen when you stay up crying and waiting for someone to call . YES , every night , but eventually they never call . Greatttt , I love working , cause for that like 6 hours plus your mind is all about serving the customers . Attending to their every need , making sure they have drinks and napkins on laps & most importantly food on their table . You don't no time to think about your feelings , hell yeah . You just have to put a big smile on your face and get out there . FISH MANNN .
Cabbed home and talked with Salina , she told me bout the hilarious things that happen at Butterfact when she's on duty . Sheesh . Reached home , bathe , text-ed zuzu and hit the sack . Wheeew .

Today woke up at 8.30 , suddenly my phone alarm tone is the most irritating sound I've ever heard . Got bathe and dressed , called Zuzu that smelly arse still sleepg , took my time to do my hair and all , in the end I was the one who came late . Rushed to Orchard got my pay , buy the stuff and feed the pussy donuts and headed t woodlands and to Mizah's house to bake . All in the nick of time , I was super pissed already cause it was super hot and I was carrying so many things . Heh , while Mizah baked , hey , I helped also okay ! Psht . Me and Zuzu fooled around and Zuzu felt asleep while I ate . Then we all headed out , said bye to Mizah and me and Zuzu headed to her place rented some cd's and watch them over a bowl of tom yam noodles , yum 'grins' In the end I felt asleep , while Zuzu was reading to me . Heh , your voice was super soothing okay ! Heh , then Zuzu's mum wanted salt so headed out again to get some and get pancakes and then I headed home . I'm super shag , but Thanks Mizah for the earlier part of the day (stepping on me and saying you love me , whatdaaa ♥ )& Zuzu for these past 2 days has been awesome , always putting a smile on my face and cracking me up ," I cannn , I cannn make your bed rock," Heh .I love you , 'grins' You made me forget , but still ..

Im sick and tired of being sick and tired , waiting for a call every night that Im never going to get . Its draining me , It's you Im missing , din't know that was so hard to understand . You turn my rainiest days into sunshine how did it turned out this way , I seriously don't know what to say . Once you asked me why Im crying when I know it would change nothing , well simply cause it hurts . All I can afford to do is to shed my worthless tears for you , rip my aching heart and give it to you and give you a piece of my restless mind . But , I've learnt that it doesn't matter to you just like every other thing I do . You're so close yet I can't seem to reach you , I just don't know who you are anymore . They said in love you have to compromise , break rules you swore you wont break , to give and to understand , Im understanding and holding it in , you used to share you used to give , you used to understand but most importantly you used to love me . I ask myself constantly how am I supposed to let go of someone who is my everything , who used to calm me down just by hholding my hand , who understand me without saying anything at all , who loved me without any intention of using me , who's love was so pure . Who alwas reminded me I'm not alone , well I don't know how to answer that question yet , cause Im still dealing with it . I dont even know what we are , crap . Im crying again , 'sighs'
For gods sake , i love you .

I just need somebody to love , I need somebody .. DID I TELL YOU GUYS HOW MUCH I LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER ? Well , Im telling you guys now :)
And when he sings those heartfelt songs , make me just wanna sit down and cry . Hahs , so basically today , I got an very early morning call from baby , Im sorry that I can't help you . Im so sorry 'sighs'

Have you ever fought with your significant other , and both of you are just pissed at each other and arguing just seems to worsen everything ? And when either which hangs up the phone one you leaving you crying , and you sleep just to make yourself feel better , but it hits you like a brick on the head when u wake up the next day reminding you last night was real ? Well welcome to my world ♥

Had a BLAST just now . Seriously feeling under the weather these days , so texted Zuzu & amazingly she wasn't workg . Haahs , headed to causeway to return my books and well we couldn't help ourselves from getting some guilty pleasures , 'grins' Then headed to Nad's crib to eat , catch up with each other and all . In the end I got grope numerous of times by Zuzu ! Gahhs * I'm proud to say that eventho nad's bed seduce me like crazy I did not fall asleep this time , heh .

That's all folks .
Im just still cold , just like the way you treat me .

Basically , Im super free this week . But when I'm super free , everyone suddenly seems to be so busy . The weather seriously suits my mood , futhermore after endless of fights . I dont fight to fight with you , Im just telling you cause I tell you everything dont I ? It seems that Im preparing me heart for the worst , somehow I feel this is getting old , and this time this is for real . If you want to let me go , just do it quickly . I talk as though this isn't hurting me , no wonder you said it's as though I don't care about you . You know I love you so , but , 'sighs'

So Thursday as promised I turned up for my last day at work , I forgot what it was called though & so I became the bar women serving beer and wines . I wonder why white wine seems to be in more demand than the red one . But the thing that really cracked me up was when this super-singaporean person walked to me and said ," Can I have a glass of RAD wine ?," Trying too hard , pfft * Blahh , we couldn't wait till the whole event was done . And when it was , we had a party of our own , super fun . We started drinking and twisting and doing stupid stuff , well there was alot of leftover food so we ate until we were so full we lay on the floor and talked and talked . They pestered me not to leave , but I just can't ... Im so sorry .

Then today , headed down to West Coast Mall , to support Desiree in her dance comp . Proud to say they made through into the finals ! YAYYYY ! Haahs , anyhoots , I got lost 3 times on my way there , 'screws face' Wasting my stupid adult fare ezlink . & When I got there I was soaking wet and cold , cause it was raining again . Took lots of picts , ate and then headed to Lot 1 to go home with mummy .

Im super cold , hugs anyone ?

Baby , I seriously love you kay . Let's try .

I swear I love this fuzzy mess of mine . GEH * It's actually sad to be leaving , Siti gave in and talked to me , heh . And next Thursday would somesort of farewell for me , cause all of us would be doing and event at PL .If only I could find my Polaroid camera . 'sighs' We had staff meeting yesterday , I swear I didn't want to go but Brandon made me extend till 10 so I had to go . Whadaaa , came in and people all turned and look at me and Siti , heh . So while Andrew was conducting the meeting he emphasized that he hated employees that throw temper and throw their badge saying they want to resign and looked directly at me . Whatttttthehoot , anyways then the worst part is he said " Right syima ? " , I just nodded and Siti poked me . Haahs , other than that Andrew seems to have warmed up to me , He caught me eating 3 times , though it was the same hotdog . And also me blending smoothies for Anwar .Wished she could stayed longer .


I would never go a day without you , Im trying the very best I can .