this is what we look lyke when im sleepy and nad got hold of the camera .

'laughes'

sharing rooms with nad and shiqin was darn fuun . but we all learnt somtg from it .

a valuable lesson called friendshipp , rhyt .

'laughes'

i only got one picture that i stole from my 'SUGARdarlg mizahh .

heehs .

it's ama's bdae !! ughh . old enoughh to make her IC already laas seey .

i look so wet in the picture rhyt? 

'smiles' 

ama got a new hamster and a cage ! waahh . can't wait to see it . gossh .

we are going to the pet safari , anyone want to tag along ? 

im going to show ama the cutest little pets , i bet after she's there she won't want to leave .

im sickk ..

ouhh fuck it .

rhyts? 

but im not going to make my sickness rule over me . 

im so not ready for next yearr . i feel like repeating sec3  . arghh ! cann ?

im still not sure what im going to do with my lyfe .

i wnat to be like hazhim urrh . hectic lyfe . so i don't have to think about anytg else .

he's going to work at mediacorp you know . im lyke wow . 

haahs .  next year .. i'll need all my gurlfwens beside me . 

im baccckk !
i feel as if it was just yesterday i fought with syabir then ran out of the house so that i won't be late for camp .
& i remembered crying in the taxi while picking up nadd .
fuck it.
camp was funn . i guess i did lots of shopping , and i ate maggi so that i could save and but more clothes .
i took lots of pics . But i'ts all in other people's camera , i spent most of my tyme with atiqah , and syidah . AND LIANA! . we shared rooms on the ferst two days , but then while we were in pinang i had to sleep with nad and shiqin . I spent my nytes ,
going to adi's room and watching jackass , (it's a funny show)
i became close to nizam , and talked to my ex - erfian .
wow .

but i miss my family so much that i wanted to call home every nyt .
and i even miss all my famous 7 .
i felt like talking to them , cause i think i step on some of liana's nerves on the trip and i didnt get a chance to say sorry .
i got more , but i'd just have to wait .

IMY YOUU GUYS .

i cut my hair .

yes YES ! 'smiles'

'laughes till her stomach hurts '

yesterdayy was okays laa . Juju is becoming like more close to me , since we work at the same place .

shessh . met ama yesterdayy to cut my hair , then got this drunk man go in with his friend and went on about how indian - muslim girls are pretty with thier long noses .

ama face was like about to burst out laughing , but i remained calm and tried not to laugh .

sheesh . physco .

then met sab , so giler - giler .

'smiles' 

went to take bus 851 to my work place , heehs .

at nyt , ama came over to my work place to pass me the charger and her adidas slip- ons !

im so going to cekik ama for not telling me . 'laughes'

hehs .

i talked to juju , im suposed to go to a course with this guy called err , suriyan ? 'racks brain for his name' 

yes , that's his name , ouhh yaa his a guy . His name sounded like a gurl's one rhyt?

it got me fooled too .

i miss zuzu and ina , every other famous 7 i talked on the phone or meet alreadyy .

sheesh .

my trip is going to be along one and im really scared , scared enough for me not to go for the trip .

like i said , good things never last .

i din't know that i could lose my dad .

how did everything turn to be the way it is ? you tell me .

it's not something i can laugh it off anymore , it's not something i can sleep on .

im going to lose my dad , is that anyway funny ?

why does everything has to happen to me , all at once ?

my aunt came to my house early morning , she practically screamed it syabir's ears ,

he has to engaged a lawyer to fight for his case or he'd be thrown into jail ,

and guess what ? we don't have the money , like shockg .

& we have to borrow it from her , she's the one paying for everything that runs in my house .

PUB, electricity , etc.. etc .

i thought of sneakg out of the house , but before i could left for work

she called me and screamed at me too .

& said i din't contribute anytg to the house and i work for my own benefit .

wow .

she asked me how's my studies . typical .

then i could feel that i was starting to cryy , so i make a face, she screamed at me stop cryg .

but no tears felt from my eyes yet . my dad and brother stared at me .

i hate to let my family members see me crying , i felt weak and angry,

that i cried infront of her .

my dad ask me to tell her about the direct poly admission ,

and that moment i just wanted to screamed , cry , die .

i dint want to tell her anything , i just anted to screamed IM A FUCKING FAILURE !

happy now ? so what i topped my class , i got DPA .

it doesnt matter in their eyes . i might as well fail .

she then let me go ,

i sobbed uncontrolbally in the lift , i maked noises when im realy scared , which i did .

i cried all the way to work ,

people kept staring at me their eyes searching me , questionable looks ,

i bent my head low and kept my music loud .

when i reached work , i forced myslef to smile ,

i don't want thier pity .

they can't help me , so why bother .

im going to lose my dad , if i don't top my class next year .

There are so many things left unsaid,
It's ended with you & me just like the way
it started , the years ago .

I guess it's really not meant to be
SYIMA& EDDIE
i racked my brains,
dripped tear from my ears
that just can't see anytg worth living for in this world anymore .
you meant teh world to me ,
yet i threw you away .

It's all my fault .

i fucking hell failed .

can i say it in bigger letters ?

well, i can't even make ama smile . what the hell rhyts ?

& i laughed when mizah chocked with and ikan bilis bone .

WTF .

and i wasnt there when , zuzu and khaisonfire .

are togthrrr .

fuck .

and when ina & fiee ..

sheessh !

i cant call myslef yr freinds im not fit to be one .

fuck this like literally .
i mean what the hell is wrong with me seyys .
im jealous of my own freinds .
i think too much about everytg , leaving my brain fuse out after furiously thinkg .
so doctor , what can you diagnose me withh ?
maybe a rare case of fuckedupdroppedupandsuhuddup .
i wished everyone would leave me alone .
but at the same thyme be there .
no one really cares to text me . or call .
yeahh , i know if you guys call i won't pick up rhtyt? but i would check and call you back .
is as if im dead or sometg . Maybe dead to this world .


if i loss my phone for two days , but found it i bet no one would text me or call me .
goshh!

& im trying to force myself to enjoy my single hood . BUT , guess what , im guess forcing myself .
like i always do .

maybe Allah , did this to me just to make me realise , but like hell i did already.
& i read my horoscope guess what , i won't have love till next yearr .
& when i do , the guys would come and go .
stay to leave footprints , but nothing more . they'd leave me wanting them more .
it also says so prepare me for instability , what the hell ?

goshh .

im mishing 'PRINCEcharmg agaen . fuckk..




& i think that ryths his gurlfen is in the hospitall . sheeshh . whenn im going to get over hym ? i want to but i don't want to at the same, thyme get it ?
sheshh . even i don't get it .
every tyhme when im all alone , all i can think about is him, all i want to think about is hym . .His funny face , quirky attitude .
'sighes'

woahh .
yesterday was fun?hell yeahh .
wheeww . at least zuzu din't stick her ears with that earphones of hers and din't interact . heehs .
yesterday was like the day of bumping into familiar faces.
it was funn . zuzu interact with juju ! haahs . kewl huhs ?
well , first while waiting for fiq and bobo . me , zuzu , juju went to vivo since juju (juwita)
wanted so badly to go there . haahs . a reason only i know why . 'winks'
we went to the candy empire !
i wanted my freddo chocolate . but guess what , they din't sell it anymore . boohoo .
i was so wasnt sastified that after we ate , i went there again to check the store .

but sheesh hey still din't sell it . DUMB !
candy empire my ass !
then we were already late so after cam-whoring a little , going to the faceshop for a while ,
we proceeded to city hall to meet fiq and bobo .
we cam-whore again in the mrt ! 'laughes' yaa yaa . i had to restrain myself form listening to my MP3 .
while arriving there i ate this banana candy which tasted like bubblegum . YUMMY !
walk walk finding fiq and bobo , suddenly we Bumped into kak ezza and cha cha .! yay . & i was like telling her me and zuzu were like hoping to bump into her and we DID . yayness .

walk walk awhile , we wanted to sit , so we parted with kak who went with her freinds , we went to the rooftop , and then bumped into nad, ika and shiqin .
which happens to be juju's pri school's freinds , what a small world urrhs ?
'laughes' we cam-whore like hell . fiq cakau cakau we take pictures but we still had fun .
then went we want to go home since fiq and bobo daa penat , i bumped into aby .
weird . I dint know he was there , and he HOT , so i dint know why he approached me urrhs .
i told him i saw kak ezza , and where's the rest of his freinds . we talked talked then parted .

proceed to mrt station , while fiq and bobo went home , we went on the hunt for donuts ! aahhh .
heehs , i was thinking of nad and how i wanted her to meet me , suddenly bump into her again laa sey . brought her along to buy donuts . i had to act to be zuzu cause , me stuffy muffy called her . I guess i was being too sarcastic , but i dint mean too !! since zuzu kept on hitting me , and juju kept on laughg .
but went we reached there the shop close .. aahhh . so i went on the search of ice water , and juju and zuzu went to starbucks buying the same drink , wow .

haahs .
it was damn funn and tring though . and got bangla chase us seyy ! dumb bangla . kick his nananiTOOT ! then he know .

wish 'PRINCEchamrg was there thoughh . 'sighes' till you're back here baby .

wells ,
i can't even think straight when i saw the picture .
she's nice .
yes but i need hym back .
i went .. 'gagaugaugau' after he went .
drop out of exco , then Sc ..
how did my all so-nearly perfect lyfe turn into a monster the next time i look at it ?
guess what , CAUSE I TURNED IT INTO WHAT IT IS TODAY.
fuck me .
fuck this .
he hug her the way he hugged me . he held her the way he held me !
he kissed her the way he kissed me .

the puppy dogs kisses down the neck .
the hugs from the back .
how cann deal with this ? i guess i have too .
ouhh goshh . i don't what fucking giberishh shyt im talking about .
but i know i can't get hym out of my head . that well enough said true enough .
'PRINCEchamrg .

ughhh . ! where's ama . she's going to0 be late .
well she is late .
hehhs .
well im here ! in this cousre . well it's sort of broing urrhs .
but i like the guy called scottz teachg .
since it's way interesting . 'smiles' and he's HOT too !
while the woman one she just blab . While scottz teach , and make jokes .
haahs .
poly life has so many breakkksss. Like seriously .
waa .
yesterday , i met up with zuzu , mished her so much .
'smiles'
she passed me yummy - scrummy chocs . yayy !THANKYOUUU.
haahs . But i had to go home , mummy been putting a leach on me every since she started working .
& i hate that she's working . she's negelcting me !.. i need my mummy love!
i miss my FAMOUS 7. Every single one of them , mizahh went to msia!!
im missing my 'PRINCEcharmg .. im acting like i din't even break up with him seyy .
yesterday my clique said ''sorry...'' with her s pelat .
then i thought about 'PRINCEchamrg , when he said sorry to me he's 's' also pelat ,
i went to the toilet before any tears could fall .
darnn it !

the second picture looks like i was laughing right ?
the fact is , i was laughing . haahs .
ama laarr . she make me laugh until my stomach hurts like hell seyy .
i was cursing myself the whole day seyy . firstly , i talked to 'PRINCEchamrg's gurl .
Im not sure how's things between us urrhs .
first i forgot to bring my consent form , so i had to go home take it , go to ang mokio
give some booklet to my manager ,
then make a u- turn to school .
by the time me and ama were puffing & huffing .
'laughes'
then i jumped to the sidewalk after ama warned me not to, then my bag putus seyy .
so paiseyy !
'laughes'
ama laughed till her face red. pitiful me have to bring that bag ..
then ama lent me pin so that i can use it . 'laughes'
was supposed to go there with zuzu but she still got class .

im so not in a emotionally stable state right now .
got to go . i still got school tomrrowww ..
fxck this .
it isnt like holidayys!

goshh .
my eyes haven't had a break from crying just yet .
Every night just as i crawl myself into bed , tears start to wet cheeks as i silently curse myself
for being so pathetic .
Crying for a guy who would never turn back , who will care anymore .
'PRINCEchmarg .
'sighes'
'MRsmiley face , i feel so used .
If he knew that he has feelgs for her why did he ? become so close to me and all ?
Bring me high up into the skies then drop me back all the way down?

screw this .
saw 'PRINCEchamrg the other day , while i was out with ama& zuzu&sab & sharul .
He was carrying his CPU .
Although causeway point was like damn crowded there was like this line between us , we can see each other darn clearly .
The pathetic me started freaking out . I went into circles until sab garbbed hold of me and held me still . I could'nt see him , not like that , i wanted to hug him even though his mum was there .
I wanted to grab his hand and never let it go .
but i couldnt .

When , ouhh please tell me when ?Am i ever going to be in his arms again ?
ouhh please say yeshh .