ouhks .. here i am . at home sick . i have been coughing non stop . and my thoart hurts like hell .

then all the som som come out through my mouth . ewww .

daddy says that it's form his genes . he has it too . that mean ill fall sick very very easily . ouhh freking shytts . 'coughes' saket seyy .

i want to go to school . i really do seyy . but my mum won't let me . since my temp. overshoot .

somemore.. hee xp .i havent do art ! shhhs . i'll hand in on thurs .

cant tpye long getting drowsy . 

toodles . 

ouhh freking shytts . im SICK . again .

what the hell . im cold and hot at the same time .

sabbie COME TO SCHOOL! forgod sakes . you must . common test is in two weeks darlg .

'sighes'

i coudnt concentrate at all during lessons cause i was shivering . wth!

yesterday . gosh it was ouhk i guess . i mean i had no complains . and besides that suhaimi was so scared to talk to me . let me repharse that too shy to talk to me . but he was really kind though .

since he has a crush on me . waa ! . 'laughes'

enough about that . zuzu told me PRINCEcharmg text her .

at least now he knows that i lost my phone rights?but im still clueless . are we ONE . or seperated ?i won't do anything rash unless i hear form him .

well in a while im going to SINGTEL to get a new phone and sim card .

i don;t know what to choose . i think ill call zuzu .

or maybe ask hazhim . har .

'touches forehead'  ouhh shytss . im burning up again . i better go . 'waves' 

toodels .

so bahbeyy .

like what hapened ystd ill make it short and sweet . i lost MIZAH phone and my SIM card .

like what the hell .

im going with mummy to CP later to get the new sim . but the phone will have to wait . 

thought i can get todayy .

nvm at least i get and that's enough .!SORRY MIZAHH.. xp .

so this guy . lets name him HERO .we work together for quite sometime . i found out from someone he likes me . 

zuzu says to play safe don't say anything . but yesterday in the train that someone asked HERO again . and HERO say once we reached toa pah yoh HERO would tell .i was on the phone with zuzu . she wasnt werking as it was her bdae!! so we talk and talk then that someone told me HERO really likes me . like hell yeah .

but then i wasnt so gulible . i told that someone if HERO really likes me i wnat to hear it from his mouth .

HERO was too shy .

i then say tpye it out .

again he don't wnat .

HERO say today when i work with hym .

then ill know . 

im not expecting anything form him .

if he want to like go ahead . 

soo ? PRINCEchamrg are we still going on or moving on to diff paths ?

& i just need to know .

okayss .so this is going to be a fast one . well today started when i had the same dream a few days back . i woke up and it was 7.45 . on zuzu's bdae ! HEPPI BDAE ZUZU!!ouh yarrhs . i cudnt charge my hp since the charger went NUTS!
i went around the house like a mad women let out of IMH. i got dress bath in ten minutes . beat that people .
rushed to the bus stop . goshh . zuz called ( was using dad old hp BUDGET!)asking me where the hell im i . iw as near syafiq hse . she told me the bus just passed . after like 10 minutes the bus came . we rushed to school to collect the tins . people were already streaming out with the tin cans in their hand . we took it . ran back out when mizah called us . we then went with her .

we decided to go Cp to eat breakfeast . mizah treat me ! yeahh . 'smiles'
eat eat then meet belo . he want give zuzu present and to go with us .

so we went to marsiling MRT .so many people . we walked there . mizzuan got all notes seyy .!!

ill update the rest later kieys?

ouhk so here it is .
how i really feel . its three months into our relationship today . but it all feels the same .
i can't talk to him yet . im not ready to face him . im sorry PRINCEcharmg . but you will know it soon .
i need to sort this out . im going out of my mind . no one seems to understand why i feel this way . maybe do . im feeling this way cause you never did those stuff she did to me . you never cared if im crying or mad . i watched you to see what would you do when i fought with my sister . but you just sit there and did nothing . i wished SHE was a HIM . im liking her cause she treated me like im her girlfriend . yes she's a butch . big deal . and she made me laugh .

she was there . when i fought . she was there when i was on the verge of breaking down .

i told her everything . i told her i have feelings for her .
she's like this boyfriend i have which is a girl .
she understood . she never did criticized she comforted me . she told me to think it throughly .
cause she know PRINCEcharmg loves me alot .

I WISHED SHE WAS A GUY.
PRINCE charmg would not handle this at all . i know he would break down . i know him too well .
im feeling sooo confused . only she know how to handle this .

im still STRAIGHT . i do still like guys ! .
but this is a exception . no one knows how to handle this yet except her . why must this hapen to me . i can only talk about this to herr .

FAMOUS 7 are you still prepared to be friends with me? 'tears slid down cheecks ' id int wnat this to happen 'cries even more'

ouhh goshh . guess what !
you guys are suckers . hah .
you made us go crooked . till we turn into a butch or a lesbo . i mean like what the hell .
girls stead with butches or lesbians because you guys don't know how to understand us . comfort us when needed. be there . make us laugh! and not cry 24/7 .over the same damn thing .

i understand them now .
i don;t think they are weird . i respect them for what they are . cause they can't change it back to the way they tried too .

although in Islam it is against our religion . they still do it . why ? cause they can't change back dearyy .


now leave me alone. ouhh yarrhs . btw im straight . no guy is going to change me into one .

so i have not been updating lately . too busy . and tired. i force my eyes awake.every morning .goshh . where is sabbie to slap my lap when my eyes are half close? i promise id wake her up . but i cant since when i wake up its like 6.35 and im rushing to school . she needs to be there in school!
goshh .

so angryy / sadd . i don't know what to do with this emotions. and im always sleepy . i have to sleep early today i don't care .


toodles.

you are nothing like the boy i used to know . where's all the gilerness gone to?
yeah . you said you would be there . but are you here when i need you now.
i know it's my fault . but you don't understand . i just hope we can work this out . cause im fighting to keep this flame alive darlg. and i hope after all of this you still want me like i want you .
i want to SCREAM ! but i can't . i want to cry this all out. but i can't .

i can't keep all of this inside . fuck it .

about jan .
he is soo lame . and dumb . and ewww ! goshh .
i want to thank zuzu ! i read it all what you sent to her . godd it was great . wheew.

miss the famous7 all of them tgher . 'sighes' gathering pweash ! ..

help me . help me .



i gota go now . my head feels as if it's tilting to the side . goshh .

im so hating hym . ugh ! i HATE jan . fucking arsehole . seriously . to the core . ugh . im like even too mad to talk about him . why don't he fuck hymself upside down with a knife i tell you. fuck hym! ughh ! . PRINCEchamrg .. goshh . TRUST ! .its a big word to handle . you promised me that . whyy d ? havent i given you enough love and trust you need for a life time .
im so darn mad . i just may spout words i don't mean .
yesterday night while i wanted to rest my aching fucking body .
my stupid bother and his deep deep voice is like shit that i cant all asleep . when i finaly did . it was like at 1 am . then i woke up at 5 .50 . goshh .
then go school . motivational course . then dance till now. im soo darn tired already !
kene scold by stupid fucking teacher bukan bukan seyy .
its my dignity . what the hell . ugh .
too fucking fucked up to sayy anything . ugh!
'covers head with hands'

eeyys . yes i know it has been a long time since i updated . wahhah .
im BAD! has in literally bad . goshh . yesterdayy i came late . it was soo embarrassing seyy . luckilyy ama help ask the OM sign but he was too busy .. so i walked walked around there . nadd saved me from practically having a heart attack just by standing with me . hee xp .
we chased after the OM . tupidd he .. he walked until don't know where go . so i HAD to walk back to outside the GO . suddenly . goshh . my nahar spotted me . he like kinda shouted ask me come over there . he asked me if i just came . i said yes . he said might as well not come . i was like uh-huh yarrhs .ouhk . he asked me to get out of his sight . my heart sank . shytss . everyone was staring at me seyy . i hate it seyy .


then todayy zuzu msg me she don't want to come to school . i was like at first yeah ! but then i thought again let's go late . when i ask my mum she scolded me and stuff .
she dint even bothered to talk to me seyy .
she's like so preoccupied with my first brother . apparently he did something again . so my parents are keeping secrets form me . and pushing all their anger towards me . i feel so unloved .
i don't feel like my old self anymore . im always sick and cryg and so pathetic . ugh .

whyy? i dun know .
well . when me and zuzu went to school she went in first . then me .
so after like 5 minutes i was supposed to go in. but i was so scared . so i called ama . luckily she picked up although she was in class . thank you!! she made me feel better just by persuading me to go .

so i went in . the guard ask me to go in . i wrote in the book. took the slip got it sign . but then nahar saw me . and stopped em dead in my tracks . he said one more time im late he would suspend me . i was like ugh . im i bad now ? its so em brassing . and heartbreaking since i was an ex-co drop to ans SC and now to nothing .
i don't even know how to cope with it .

finish school i got craving for oreo choco!so me zuzu and sabbie went to get some. ina,lyd nad ama went home first .
after drinking it . i got a terrible stomach pain . we went to get a notebook . during that time iwas like shhyts .stop it already stomach . but it wudnt . i tired calllg hazhim and PRINCEcharmg but none pick up . so while zuzu wnet up to sab's hse to take colour pencils i sat dre and called my mummy . i told her nearly cryg tt it hurts so much . she just scolded me and ask me to come home . my heart shattered seyy . zuzu came down saw me cryg . she comforted me . at least it stop me for a while . but fuckinly the song change and when she got down from the bus cried again seyy . im tiredd . tmrw schh .


muarrks .
tatas .
pics above are from last week . fun at ina's house !

so explain to me something cann ? if in anywayy we are not meant to be together right . how come in end we will always end up together , find ourselves back to each other . Just like three years ago. You explain it to me . 'sighes' .

i know i been abseening myslef ALOT. Mostly im sick & tired . But i hate to do that cause,when i return back to school id feel akward . Around the famous . Like there's someting i don't know . I don't want to make a big fuss about it . But the feeling is getting stronger . like you guys are bonding closer without me . even sab feels the same . 'sighes' i want us . to be as close as everr . i HATE the akwardness . i hate it when liana goes all emo & we try every wayy to make her laugh again . 'smiles at the thought of it ' 'sighes'


i want US cann ?

weels . eyys there . 'smiles'
i ahve to drag myself everywhere these days . i so have no mood to do any stuff since it's so darn HOTT! with the global warming and all . 'sighes' i wished the world could just heal . but i cudnt .
i mean we all did soo much harm to the earth already .
luckily it rained today . at least it COOLed down the earth . 'smiles'
ouhh freking shytts . i soo have no motivation at all whatsoever to go to school . when im like in the mood then ill drag myslf out of bed then to school.what the hell ? .

weels . i wished all of these tuppid stupid feelings would juts dissapear since this is like a very important yearr .
my gossh . im still not well yet . and it has been a week .
with this flu i feel like my meat is cooking under my skin . 'rubs eyes'
im getting sleepyy . with the flu yellowish tablet in my system .
im going to sleep . ill have to work .
'smiles'

ouhk fcuk this . i know i know . durhh . even when hazhim warned me . i couldnt stop myslef .what was i supposed to do ? dont answer that . okayys let's fill you in . i shouted i syida . fuck her upside down .then slammed the door . i mean like which fukcing sister shouts at her own sister then acts likes she's BIGG fucking bitchh . ughh ! actually i was in a good mood . i fisnih showering so i walked to the room . la..la...laa ... then i knock at my door . she opned . slammed at my face . then starts taking a really REALLY long time to open the door . like fuck larr she . i ONE WHOLE day at sch PLUSS STT somomore. she just dosnet undestand and give wayy . what shytt! . 'sighes'

so like fuck this dayy cann ?.havent seen my PRINCEhchamrg yet . & i threw tantrum on hym just now . shytts . someone LISTEN to me cann ? instead of belo here and there . i want my gurlfwens to be with me 24/7 n my PRNICEcharmg urrhs .

my goshh .
why im i always sick seeys . i cant come to school esok . on MC.
doctor say im always puking because i have stomach flu .luckily its clearing upp seyy .
i cnat even stand up for long . and i don't have appetite .
i mean what ever goes in comes out the next hour . but after taking my medi at least i feel bteer . that yellow flu tablet is so good . it so works . ouhk my head is spinning . anyone kindhearted enuf to go get me takoyoki balls prawn !!?
it would be much appreciated .

i bteer go before i puke on the keyboard . syggg THE famous and PRINCEchamrg .
but fcuk you boss. dont twist stories making it sound so bad . ill twist the stories back and shove it right where the sun never shines for you . ughh .