im so fucking jealous!

ughh . like always  . im the ugly -duckling . compared to izz . 

anwar ask izz no . 

its been going on for 5 years .. haahs .  wished that thy would get togtherr . 

went back to pri school . actually i dint want to . but then met izz inside the bus and she force me to . 

so i was ouhkks . 

sure why not . hang there.  met everyone except edward and terence .. larrhs .wasted . 

then tupidd mdm call me to go to werk ! 

fuckk seyy . 

haeshh . have to reach there at 5 . im so damn lazyyy . 

going to MIA  on the ten . 

wee !

i feel so leftout . 

between the 'three . 

can't fake it . they are getting closer . im not jealous . 

but then i want to be included . 

still want US to be best freinds . 'tears drop'

im so fucking jealous!

ughh . like always  . im the ugly -duckling . compared to izz . 

anwar ask izz no . 

its been going on for 5 years .. haahs .  wished that thy would get togtherr . 

went back to pri school . actually i dint want to . but then met izz inside the bus and she force me to . 

so i was ouhkks . 

sure why not . hang there.  met everyone except edward and terence .. larrhs .wasted . 

then tupidd mdm call me to go to werk ! 

fuckk seyy . 

haeshh . have to reach there at 5 . im so damn lazyyy . 

going to MIA  on the ten . 

wee !

i feel so leftout . 

between the 'three . 

can't fake it . they are getting closer . im not jealous . 

but then i want to be included . 

still want US to be best freinds . 'tears drop'

the fight is overr . goshh .  

glad though . yes .  all of us are two faced . 

was too tired . so i just gave in to whatever may come . 

got chosen for the art trip . 100 bucks  ?

excluding food moneyy . 

that's alot . 

where im i going to dig to find it . i die die want to go for it .  along with ina,liana and sabbie . 

i must go . 

now where to dig? 

it's in november i think . 

can't think straight .  school is like sucking the youth out of me. what kind or fukcing school has SST . even raffles girls or all those high school don't have SST . they still excel . 

ughhh ! 

where's the love and the fun we used to have ?
pull us one another when we are down ?
why has it come to this . goshh .

uhh huuhs .  and so i read it . goshh . 'thoughts running through her mind' 

guess what ? i got nothing .  i don't want to fight . im just going to throw in the white towel .

if you want take me as your freind then do that . if you want to treat me as you enemy then ill accpect too.  im sick of being human .  and to deal with crappy stuff . 

ill be alone if i have too . 

if you want me too . kieys ? 

i want to be with suhaimi urhhs . no EMOTION . 

yes yes i know ! its been a longg time . mmms . well . urrhs busy cann?
have been drifting .. havent been concentrating muchh . how? goshh . been meeting that someone evvery single dayy . 'laughs' ahahhs . well i should be laughing what . ill still be laughing although it hurts .. nahhs . i knew it would happenn larrhs . i knew eddie would move on . but i dint thought that it would happen so soon . haeesh . 'sighes' still i have to put on a fake smile to show the whole fucking whole that im fukcing okayy when im not . and faking a smile sucks . i miss zuzu . she rebond her hair tau .. hawt seyy . famous 7 went cut their hair tgherr . everyone except mizah and zuzu . all looking soo hawt .! 'she is the only one who still makes me smile . genuinely . and not faking it . why did she had to run away form her home . goshh .
wait till you see the new me. haarhs .

ir has been there for me lately . i find her darn funn . hees xp .
i still so not liking this cann ?




and you said NO ONE COULD REPLACE ME .
save me ! ughhh .

yerrps . urrhs . i still miss my original 'PRINCEchamrg huggs . all so warm .
he has move ON ! maybe if i scream it too myself id get it . 'screams ' im nutss .
'slaps self' goshh . enuff . relieve me from this . someone?

ouhks . syi-da ish being such a B.I.T.CH .
goshh i feel like straggling herr . ugghhh ! . practically every single day we fight . i dint want it to be this way !

i want to RUNN ! . awayy . i want someone to tell me not to cry although they know im going to anywayy .
im mishg someone .
i can't state it .

i miss the caring CARZYYYY ,weird zuzu .
the wacky perfectionist sabbie .
nothing feels right now .
i feel as if im trying to pull everytg together when it's all falling apart .
i went home with suhaimi and abby ystd . i felt as of they were my big brother and im thier little kid sister .
abby in a way reminds me of hazhim urrrhs .
the way he treat me . all so kind .
when i said . eyy ! i don't ustd larrhs . what alien language you guys are talking about .
then he would explain it to me very slowly .
kewl hurrhs .
he even cares about my friends .. like zuzu and farah . he was damn concern if everytg was okayy .

mmmms. i wonder how diff is my lyfe is going to be in 3 mths time .
haeshh . today abby told me there's going to be fireworks at esplanade . no wonder 'her wants to go there .
btw . abby's real name is hasbi . i call him abby for short .
theyy sent me till my door step even though i protested . 'smiles'
luckily hisyam wasnt arnd .

havent been talking with sabbie alot lately . cause sabbie ? your words realy hurt .
what if i have fun being dirty ? digging my nose or picking at my butt . at least im being myself rather than something im not .
im sorry i had to say this . but i still need you . and you said tell you if we don't like something about you kann .

so i gtg .. im mitting zuzu . i can't be missing in action again . or so she says .
if not . 'draws a invisible line across her neck'
haahs .
toodless .

okays those are the pic which we went out with belo and the rest . 

its the three of us again !

sorry i hvnt been blogging . 

COMMON TEST!

goshh . for the first time chem was a blurr . 

could only think about one thing . 

hmms . 

which is . well i cant state it here though . 

im so lost in confusion . 

i want to be there for the famous 7 rights . but .  im dealing with some stuff on my own too . 

i sorry zuzu and sabbie !

i wnat to hear you memorising your maths to me . 

but i scares me that i don't get it . and you got it so fast. i feel so stupid sitting beside you . 

im like the dumb one.  

sabbie got it too .. only me . 

maths . ggoshh . no MOTIVATION at all !

and now that you are into it . im so lost . sabbie im sorry too .  i want to hear everytg you say . 

and what you have to say  .

but . 

your words hurt . seriously  . im scared to even talk to you  .

and famous 7 is all i've got . 

it's just like what you said.
people change . feelings do come and go .

well . i don't want it to go . i want it to stay .

try me . trust me . now help me?
don't avoid me . i can't stand it . i feel like crying and running away when seeing you .

be there .

i need you .

i WON'T dis abandon you .

weees . yesterday was funn ! .
i mean really . it was such a long time since i hung out with zuzu and sabbie .
so it was like the old days . 'smiles'
there was mizah , belo , said and his GF.
we went to vivo . since belo wanted to buy a jacket so did said . the sits at LJS so damn cramped so belo , said and his GF went to buy the jacket first .
by the time tehy came back got sits already then said eat soo damn slowwwww...
'laughes' some guy at the disher ask for zuzu and sabbie's no .
i was wooo . so fast urrhs this two can get guys .
'laughes'
suhaimi text me saying he was at pennin . so i told him we would be there in a few minutes . then he told me again that he dosen't want to go werk . i was like huhh ! .
but in the end we meet . while zuzu bought a fall out boys shirt and a cardigan to go with her skinny jeans.
we went to toilet . the guys were so slow.
when we were in the toliet , me zuzu and sab .. like amking fun of each other and stuff . aru the guys came . wahh so darn long .

then we walk out of pennin . sabbie and zuzu got separated from me .
so i got stuck with suhaimi , adi and abby .

all so funny . 'smiles'
then when we want to meet back rights . sabbie and zuzu got sesat at the other side of esplanade.
. so adi and abby were like giving instructions . while we and suhaimi were like talking and poking fun .
in the end we reunited . and im too darn lazy to type out the rest .
i mish 'her seyy . at night i did received a text msg from 'her . yay .
'smiles'
im still straight aites. i treat her like a guy . since 'she acts like one. all so hawt . i cudnt get 'her of my head even for a second . goshh .

eyys .
here we go . i dint know a heartbreak would hurt this much.
since this relationship is so wrong .
at least someone dosent reject 'this.
'she told me she love that person . when i heard that . i felt as if i wanted to scream! but not a sound would creak from my throat .
it was yesterday that turn my world upside down .
national day eve .
the only reason i have any motivation at all to go school is because of 'her .
i was hoping 'her mood would change . and she's back to being playful .
'she was . i by all means wanted to sit beside her . so luckily the chance came when belo wanted to talk to me . and belo was sitting beside 'her . so i came and sat . he ask about the 15 aug .
i nodded when needed but not really paying attention what in the werld he's saying .

but then suddenly 'she told belo that's 'she attached . with a girl named lina . goshh .
i swear my i could feel my heart break into pieces . at that moment i felt as if i could run and run .without stopping . 'she talked more and more about the girl she is with and that she's happy .

i hugged my legs and lent back . nana look at me in a way that she knew .
she was looking and looking. i fake her a smile .
she then come over to me . i losted it . i couldn't help but cry . but if i was forcing the tears back up . id int want to cry . not in front of 'her .
nana told me she knew . and she told me to let it all out . i dint want to . not there and then .
i dint mind that aminah dint come over to check on me cause i know she has something big on her mind too .
when nana come over . i could feel 'her checking on me . she sang ever so loudly the chorus to hoobastank the reason . '...im sorry that i hurt you , i never meant to do those things to you...'
i tell you i was trying really hard to push my tears back where they came from .
the whole day i dint have the mood to talk or eat .
after school . nana and 'her called me . i turned back and walked towards them . my heart beated ever so fast . 'her talked to me about if im going out today or tomorrow . i answered .
then when there's nothing else i could say . 'she said ok i don;t want to talk . i then went back to 'her again . saying sorry that i wasnt in the mood to talk yet . 'she told me to call 'her .
i did . at esplanade that's when 'she told me she loves the girl 'she is with .
wanting to get rid of the pain . i felt asleep on mizah's lap . while listening to the most suited song
for that moment . don't ask me what . i was drunk with the giddy feeling of a heartbreak ans sleepiness.

just came home form studyg with the two - o .
zuzu and ama .
'laughes'

zuzu songs in the psp so the funny like wana get up and shake my arse .. wee !
ouhk started studyg maths . it's kinda fun . trying to drag 'her in to studyg but she just wudnt listen .
got paired up with man for chemistry . goshh he's a grrrrattt lab partner only a little scardy cat to do SOME things yahrrs . but his fun .. we pour a whole lot of acids into a test tube. mizzuan and ' her test tube was such a nice color i tell you . wee .

i got craps during maths .
dint want to go back into class . 'her pulled me up by the hand and told me to go back into class .
if not id be sitting there and enjoy the sights and smells of an ADSS toliet .
which is hot and smelly .
practically dint talk to ina n liana todayy .
what's wrong famous ?
i was late so i missed some stuff . thank you stupid small bus !
hmmms . but i wasn't in the mood to find out why since the craps was overbearing .
im so not fed- up okayys . i want to let them cool down ferst cann ? .


okays . id better go before hazhim choke slam me on the floor again . wheew .


goodbye . my pathetic not worth living so-called life .

she's distancing herself away form me . whyy?
i need to know . i want to understand her .
i want to be as close to her . why dosent she want to tell ? im clueless .

she log off right after i say i want to know her better .

& now its over . FULLSTOP.

i dint know it hurts as much . third party? hero is suhaimi .
i dint CHEAT on you.
guess what he was going to ask for stead this saturday PRINCEcharmg .
i was thinking about you . and i was reluctant .
he was the one who like me . i dint force him to ask me anything . i love you like hell . i do . but it comes and goes . you wanted time for me and you can . but then you never wanted to talk about me . if i fight with any of F7 i couldn't even tell you when i needed to .
and now it hurts like hell .

goshh. i cant take this . YES! im in the wrong okayy . happy now?

I DON'T WANT TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN.




it sucks. seriously do . 100 % .
yes it has it's high moments . ouhh i should know alot about that .then there's the really really sad moments where you can't even talk to the one you love trust because you know it wouldn't help at all .
cause all they would say it ouhh . ouhk . so?


i trusted you . i know i can say that i dint give you 100% of love some of the time . but i was always there for you . where were you when i needed you ? you tell me .
i still couldn't forget what you did that day .
to you it was soft . to me it was practically shouting at me . even people at the stand were looking at us . i know your mum was scolding you but then did you have to do that . there and then . i couldn't even cry it all out .

i do still have stuff to say . but i know you wouldn't hear it anyway .
the poem still left unwritten .
the book of us is still in complete .

and i do believe you deserve much better than me . since like right now . i can even make you smile .
'tears fall'