Firstly, Happy Birthday to Zuzu! <3 We may not be as close as we used to be but I know I can always count on her, no matter what. I love you, Zu

 Girl brave@tryingnottocry completed the course! HAHA. So OAC had it's high elements this week, I swear I was a nervous wreck when attempting it, haha. I tried not to cry by talking to myself and looking forward, keep looking forward. DAMNNNN. But overall it was damn fun, but I will not want to try that again, seriously.

THIS, I don't care if it's gonna get tough, or we prolly gonna argue every day, we are gonna get frustrated but I hope that you understand that this is all in the process of building r/s,  As long as it's with you, nothing else matters. Cause I'm ready to fight, just to stay with you.

Life has been awesome without that asshole, I love breaking fast at home because it's the only time all of us will come together as a family and just talk and laugh. I can share, I can tell Mummy my problems, it's like I have my parents all to myself and I just love that feeling. I know they are happier, just that they won't admit it. This year is gonna be a blast eventhough it's ending.

 Last 2 years before Syida cut her hair short, I told you she's prettier than me. I look like one fat buffalo beside her. As usual this 4 amigos will forever be with each other, how we have changed over the years. One thing still stays, go syameer's room then play with the lights buat macam club then play block catching. HAHA, I know I'm 20, but so what.

 Jealous sia, of Syida's fairer than mine skin and nicer more tamed curls. BAHH. & of course jealous of her bigger... HEHEH.This year she will still have short hair, boring.

 Last year at Aunty Ani's house, hehe. Sabrina forever pretty la, but I wanna see her grow her curls, growwwww.

 The 1/3 of our cousins family, I know we look damn rojak, blame our grandparents, and parents for marrying into so many mixed breeds.

 Last year puase with Rian, how time pass. A day before raye and a day before she left me to clebrate raya in Msia. I also want to balik kampung sia this year, but I can't, ugh. Projects and tests that I can't escape. The project works, the assignments, breaking fast in school. Staying in school til 8-9, woah. I wanna fast full this year, but that's not gonna happen cause my bestf hasn't visited me yet. 'sigh'

 Didn't want to bask in the sun, so instead I took pictures.

 Your future nurses to be, forever by your side with a smile (: We are so ready for you guys, but are you ready for us? Haha.

This quote says it all, but lately I just can't to make you smile. Guess as I'm starting to fall, my judgement gets clouded and I want you all by myself. Call me selfish, but I hate sharing. Especially when it comes to you. I want you to need me everyday. There's so much unspoken barrier between us, it's either we talk it out and feel like shit. Or we don't talk it out and still feel like shit. But I have faith, I faith that this will subside. I just have to keep on believing. Don't, once again. Care about my feelings, cause somehow or another I'll just deal with it. My aim is to make you happy, even if it kills me inside. I promise you, I won't leave you

I don't get why my parents still care about him, why they still wanna visit him, write letters to him signing off our names as though, Me, Hazhim and Syida cares if he lives of die. Do not even try, do not even start to say, 'He's still your brother". I have long disregard him as my brother. That entitlement is not worthy for someone as fucked up as him. I tried so hard, in every single way, to somehow be seen in daddy's eyes. But no, it's Hazhim & Hisyam daddy wants. This fucked up feeling never ends, I feel somehow I'm the tenant in this house. You guys have never consider my feelings, never ask if I was okay with strangers living in house, so don't you guys dare ask my opinion or help keeping an eye on them or to not go out from the toilet using just my towel. This is my house, not theirs. This was never my intention, so please, don;t drag me into this. If you guys love your favourite stupid son so much, go and live in one house with just him. I'm fine by myself, futhermore, I have been supporting myself since 18. This is nothing new to me.

You have no fucking idea how much I miss talking to you. I miss joking and slapping you, making stupid baby languages with you, baking and cooking with you. I miss you, Rian. I don't care if you hate me