cause you know what , i aint about you & me anymore .
our lifes , our relationship for godsakes revolves around even more people than i can imagine .
how does that make me feel ? let me say it for you .
i feel as if i've got no place in your heart anymore .
why do you need me , you've got all the rest .
im just a stumbling block . why do you have to come so late ? why ?
i wished , i could juts sit and talk to you .

i don't know why i feel so crappy plus shitty now days .
ouhh yarrhs && prelims are like next week , it makes me want to bite all my nails off .
GAHHS*
it's so fast . like seriously , and my throat hurts terribly again .
'sighs'
i don't feel like sleepg yet , so im writing stuff down .
guess it's now or never eyh ?

was spsed to go day two of rock it ! .
but stayed at home , im sick . after all the jumpg and shoutg .
'laughs'
going to miss all the friends i made there , hugging & screamg .
neyhhs .
soffi din't go also , she text-ed me sayg she was sick .
'smiles' but widya went . 'sighs' i wnat go so badly . but nevermind .
im going to like do my art , me & ina planned sometg that confirm would work out .
im going to do some stuff . i'll try be back on later or soemtg .
toodles .
btw , it's only u baby , that i truly love to the damned core .
'smiles'

mind my cousin's face 'laughs'






soffi ! GAHHS* she took thsi pict herself okayys . haahs .



us & widya in the middle .
i was made to draw sometg .

'screams' eyh , im damn short .
firstly today was a blast ! 'puts hands up in the air'
was supposed to wake up at 5 am today , but i only woke up at 6.10 when my cell phone vibrated like crazy , cause i was spsed to meet my cousin & her friend nadt , at boots and shoes at exactly6 laa .
crapp thing that i was late and rushed there messied hair , half open eyed , so we rushed tehre and took a cab , but guess what we were early ! darned .
cut to the chase , firstly there was this motivational talk and all , i was like really sleepy , but woke up fully when the stupid mat rep behind me kept kutok-ing his freind .
&& it echo-ed the whole hall . dumb mat rep , i felt sorry for his freind .
me . dona and nadt were like seperated , which leaves me to makes freinds . well i can do that , right ? haahs . i made freinds with the intructors , soffi & widya .
godd , they make me laugh till i was like practically and literally rollg on the floor .
soffi , when we play street soccer , we bump into each other and run , like rugby and when we fall we just burst out laughg lookg at each other . 'smiles' then she's like ''meh , soffi angakt syima?"
'laughs' weird sia she . we exchange numbs . 'smiles'
then the concert at the end , was by live the dream people . godd , i jumped and cheered & whoo-ed till my voice is hoarse .
'testes voice' haahs . we brought the house down , i swear . then we chased them for a pict , we finally got one !
but funn laa , and soffi is & widya is the best . soffi , she/he , stuck by me evrywhere . 'smiles weirdly'
&& yaa , i did my art .

'rubs face'
for real , after these few incidents , you can really part & draw a line between who you want to be with still . & i have made my mind up , evntho i wasn't there .
&& through it all i love my babyy the best .
he 's the only reason im pullg myslef through this laa .
god i love youu . 'smiles'

my dumb sister is the worst person on the planet .
i feel like shoving a huge pillow in her face .
'smacks on self'
she's worst than yur granmother i tell you . i swear .
i hate home .
i want die . i want die . i want die .
i hate stayg at home , please take me away .
please please . 'sighs'
i wished this world would end sooner , therefore i wouldn't be hearg seeing all the horrible things anymore .
crap laa . fukcing bitch , mintak kene smock .
GAHHHS*
'hits own self'

i was like browsing through my list of hot heats , when it rained heavily .
wheewww . 'rubs hand together' weather is unpredictable .
last night was one of those nights by which , you are on the verge of breakg down .
i cried my eyes out , till they are so sore . 'rubs eyes'
everytg is going to change , within the next month .
i know it would .
i don't blame him for fallg asleep though , i know his tired and all .
'sighs'
i've got to get ready , soccer match againnnnnnnnn .
why do i drag myself to these things ? 'laughs'
cause guess what it's fun .
pluss , i studied my brains out in the morning . i deserve a break
i love you babyyy . 'kisses cheeks gently'

yeahh . tho you guys can't see his face clearly .
that's the one . 'smiles to self'
he's the one that makes me feel whole inside . yay .
cause baby , you are all that i've ever needed .
i'll try & get more picts alryts . nyehhs . told him about evrytg that happened ystd .
he told me all the stuff i needed to hear & more .
only making me cry like shit again .
'sighs' going to follow kak ayumie get her baby stuff , the baby's due soon . im scared tho .
did i say i was late ? ouh shit !
im late , im spsed to be there at two . crapp .

im so tired eventhough i practically did like nothing today .
went to shirin's crib and studied . for real .
i finished the bio's past year papers till, 2005 .
shirin did math , then met up with rok & her adek & cousin .
had to go home though ,
syi-da needs me . 'makes a pained face' plus hazhim has no keys .
basically i got nothing else to say .
except that , it shows .
it really does , so how do you expect me to feel , react ?
'sighs'
i feel like as though , i just want to sit you down , and for real talk .
would you want to even do that? i doubt so .

ahhhhhhhhhh !
tmrw racial harmony day . im like so malas to even wear traditional clothes laa .
can't we wear western? 'snickers'
i don't why in the world im blogging though . maybe bcus im bored ? yeahhh .
im forgetg sometg , ouhh yeahh !
'smacks head' im spsed to call shirin & rok .
i would , i would .
so like today , sucks big time .
BAHHHS* feel really moodless , but din't want to affect anyone else , so i tried to act hyper and all .
guess i pulled it off well huh ?
after break , i was kidding laa . But 'laughs coverg face'
we did it , with picts .
mine was too fast though . that's good right ? i just figured that kissg aguy & a girl is no diff .
it feels pretty much the same closg eyes .
i felt so wrong that it lasted less then a split second , only enough to touch the lips .
even though , i claim eveytg is okay .
i don't feel that way . I don't know how to say it though , but even as much as i pretend evrytg is okay , it's not .
i miss the one i can sing my heart out with when im down && talk crap till three in the morning. where'd she go ? 'shakes head slowly'

went out like last night .
was supposed to actually watch a soccer match at innova jc with sissy & cousins .
BAHHS*
yeahh , i know how much i loathe soccer ! 'laughs'
so lame chase balls .
so then rok text-ed me go meet rok & shirin .
do DNT , 'snickers'
instead we like hung out and go eat and basically relax . Invited sabs over yeahh . luckily her mum give .
then today was halfway near sch when i had bad cramps .
went to take mc , found out rok& shirin & sab also never go . 'laughs'
all go together , i got two days MC , but i think im cumg to sch tomorrow but not doing p.e .
standg broad jump 'makes stress up face'
GAHHS* toayy specialll dayyyyyyy .

BAHHS*
'makes sound with throat'
it still hurts , i was was spsed to go out with falina , in the ned tak jady .
so i went , tip-toeing to hazhim && asked him out for a movie .
all i had to do is pick his choice of show .
i was all set to go already laa , but instead i felt sleepy and felt asleep .
so hazhim went with erwina only .
i thin i got a sleepg disorder or soemtg .
'rubs face'
im bloody bored .
&& syida is not homeeeee yet . i can so tell mummy !! haah !
plus , this weird num been callg me and textg me umpteen times .
it starts with 922 . who eyy ? so darn-ed irratg , im convinced it's a guy .
from the way the tpye to me .
'rolls eyes' there he go again , hes callg me ! darlg ? yur turn uh .

i bet if this still here like a year ago , all this wouldn't even be such a big problem .
the one that stood by me everysingle day last year . making us maggi when we were hungry .
got us out of trouble . 'laughs sadly' like what zuzu would say , husband & wifey .
'shakes head' and zuzu our 'daugther' 'smiles'
god , i guess i miss him .
my throat hurts like super big time .
'sighs' why am i always fallg asleep on the phone ? 'laughs'
&& i forgot to call back someone yestdy .
GAHHS*
falina feelg like really down && im supsed to go out later .
i'll wait till she text .
sissy's back . with her around again , 'rolls eyes'
i''l have to compete with her , for using the comp and the phone .
plus , syabir is comg out next month , mummy told me .
with the baby also on the way , i don't think mummy & daddy would have time to even think about me .
too caught up it all that shit . 'rubs face'

You mean so much to me. I just wish I could
tell you now but I would never be able to
find words without breaking down.

each and evryone of these girls .
don't let comments tear us apart . Cause i know we are stronger then this .
close yur eyes and try and remember the times we had last year .
i love each and evryone of you .

let's just let time heal it all .
but i can only blame myself and trust no one .

setelah kupahami
ku bukan yang terbaik
yang ada di hatimu
tak dapat kusangsikan
ternyata dirinyalah
yang mengerti kamu
bukanlah diriku

kini maafkanlah aku
bila ku menjadi bisu
kepada dirimu

bukan santunku terbungkam
hanya hatiku berbatas
tuk mengerti kamu
maafkanlah aku


walau kumasih mencintaimu
kuharus meninggalkanmu
kuharus melupakanmu
meski hatiku menyayangimu
nurani membutuhkanmu
kuharus merelakanmu

dan hanyalah dirimu
yang mampu memahamiku
yang dapat mengerti aku

ternyata dirinyalah
yang sanggup menyanjungmu
yang lama menyentuhmu
bukanlah diriku

i don't know why i suddenly addicted to this song again , the last time i heard this song is when i broke up with eddie . 'covers face'
&& i just feel like cryg , it makes me feel like a horrible person . if only i talked .
what do you do , when everyone tells you stuff , horrible stuff . They've seen it , feel it , hear it .
but you can't see that .
you just can't see that person even doing such a thing .
do you , stand strong beside them ?
or do you just leave everytg unsaid and undone ? 'tears fall'
i know my decision , it isnt really hard .
i'll just have to listen to my heart .
&& i don't expect anytg but to at least talk . Fights & misunderstandg makes you stronger , makes you become more prepared . But what if i hate it all ? i hate evrytg that involves tears and lots of bad words and angry faces .

trust me , you don't really know fucked up till i show you .


ivan went in && now i really feel like shit . for not replyg him , treatg him better or sometg instead of giving him faces and bullying him . he's actually really nice and caring .
&& now i would never get the chance to tell him that .

i feel like shit , i swear i havent been a good freind been there for each and everyone of you .
i swear i can do better , i swear i'll try harder . why am i such a failure at evrytg , never puttg a smile across someone face ? or laugh lines . 'sobs uncontrollably'
im sorry to everyone .

1. List one fact about you.

* I Hate wearg undies . 'covers face'

2. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?

* California , to meet bahar .

3. What's your favourite thing(s) to do?

* Talkg till wee hours of the morning && taking really long walks at night .

4. Do you think that money can buy happiness?

* err , no .

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?

* to be someone

6. How do you know if your feeling's change?

* Like what kind or question is this ? omgahh . well , things would be diff .

7. Do you encourage girls to admit their love to the guys?

* 'bites lips' well , guys are slowwww . i like taking risks anyways .

8. What do you dream of doing in the future?

* someone in the science industry && helpg people .

9.List out 3 good points about the person who tagged you.

* hudyy ? well i know her since pri sch . err , she's really fun ? she shifted before i could really get to know her better .

10. What makes you happy?

* well , yeah chocolates && silly faces .

11. What type of person do you hate most?

* those who promise sometg and leave you hanging .

12. Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road?

*workg , in a darn-ed boring life . well i don't know !

13. If you do not have a boyfriend/girlfriend, do you feel like having one now?

* 'gulps' all the same .

14. Who is the most important person in your life?

* must i name ? it's a secret . But im pretty sure he knows .

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?

* Everytg that revolves around me . But if has to be a 'thing' i think it would be my phone .

16. If you have a chance to change your life,what would you want to change?

* i wished that i never knew khairul/eddie .

17. If you are given a chance to re-live your life,would you live it the way you are living now?

* Yes , i'm pretty satisfied with everytg right the way it's is . I just wished poeple would care more.

18.Are you courageous to tell a person that you like him/her?

* hah . 'makes a face' yeahh .

19. Would you rather follow your heart or mind when deciding for the right one?

* Both , even if we are worlds apart .

20. What would you consider about when you stead with a guy?

* weelll , firstly if he's really sincere && if he can stand my attitude without walkg out on me after like 3 mths . Looks don't really matter to me , cause once i want sometg really bad , nothing can change my mind .




this is for you hudaaaaa . im going to save everyone the trouble by not taggging .
actually im lazy .
'laughs'
im going to take my medi & sleep .

going home today din't go as i planned laa .
my throat feels as though i have alot of som-som .
GAHHS*
my eyes feels burn-ed out .
but the best thing is ,
SYIDAAA CAMPPP TILL FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
'punches fist into the air'
yayyyyyyyy !
so was going home juts now , till i reached the interchange when i found myself, smack into my primary school all time crush .
Jufri .
'mouths hangs open'
nothing change much , he's still damn fair , but he's hair .
omgahh . i found myself staring into his eyes , cause i wasn't lookg where i was walkg laa .
i was halfway messagegg ama, when i cushioned myself into him .
i quickly smile && brisk walked away while he was like , '' ehh , wasn't that ... syima?''
he ask his freind .
waaa . call me darlg .
sabbie , come to school . you have too , hang in there .
only a few more months . 'sighes deeply'

this little kid keep smacking my butt ! but he's the best .


darn-ed adorable kidd .

damn dirty , i was like satring at the water . polluted .




bcus of the thai foodcourt incident , i ate snickers for lunch .


the car that i spent most of the time sitting in .











the view taken form the condo . told ya it was beside the kampung!




im backkkkkkkkkkkk!
it was superly -scarily funnnnn!
wahha .
i got a phobia with thai food now days . 'laughs'
&& the only bad thing that happen is i felt sick & i missed alot of people , that's why i kept wanting to go home .
let the pict do the talkg .
PLUSSS , han cock is like wow . got watch it yeahh .