aye ayeee , yesterday was mizah's birthday , i hope that she had funn getting all the glittered glue out of her boday thou , 'laughs' she made me and shirin sent her home , damn-ed . haahs , wthe worst part was , everyone was staring curiously at her . 'shakes head' fun aye ?

anyways im supposed t head out to catch the unborn with the birthday girl , well havent yet aye ? a few more days 'smiles widely' But today is kilah's cukur rambut , and my brother would probably kill me , literally if i dint go . So im so sorry you , i'll make it up t you soon enough . Life has been mostly encouraging and close t blissful . But i miss you playg on the guitar and your face creased with tension as you concentrate t remember the chords . 'sighs deeply'

and i know deep down you mean the world t me .

welllll , was supposed to stay at home despite my throbbing headache as though earthquakes were erupting every mint or so , i managed to drag my ass out of the house with puffy eyes and a red nose . fad ranged me a couple of times on the way to work , 'smiles deeply' did have fun , me dona, and syida walked all the way to the middle of the drain part of the sea and kept slipping , damn-ed . I caught myself a oyster , but unfortunately my aunt throw it away . haahs .

overall i had funnn .

dint know this how it is going to be .

actually wasnt planng to head to fiq's party , but i did , 'laughs' and i had hella lots of fun , 'laughs' karaoke with adi , damn-ed siaa , damn funny . and jun feng so log never see him , it was like a class gathering . in a wayyyy , dan-ed i missed them siaaa .

currently on the phone with fad and webcammg with shirin , so cute laaaa .

eventho we push our diffrences aside i know we going to hurt eac otherrr , im scared .

pek pek tul , ugh . Im having a bad bad headache was on the phone the whole night yesterday , actually fad played for me the song already , only i prefer bleedg love better , heeh . if you're readg this dont kill me ! 'covers face'

i cant believe you're doing this siaaa , pushg me ? i know what i want and dont , i dont need someone tellg me who i want in my life kind of thing kay ? & what you really said , set knives in my heart . thankyou , and you say i perangai ? 'sighs'

i like readg your blog , wait that's an understament , i love readg your blog , only well your special little dedication , i thought was meant for me , it seems otherwise . atleast i post all the facts how i feel bout someone that rwally exist , you , 'sighs'

headed over to ama's crib early in the morng , was planng to study which we so did when mizah headed here . got lunch and alll , i swear mizah molested me all over siaa ! and it was captured in picts thanks to ama , i feel like a sandwich , neyhhs , if you know what i meann laa , 'smiles' im feelg very very may i emphasise im VERY sleeppyyy already . ouhh , and fad wants to play stay close dont go for me , how sweet right ? 'laughs'

imissmybudakkecikalreadylaaadengdengtulifonlyyoucouldsee.

headed down to remedial with shirin , nothing new . but she slept , and i rang her so many times again , fortunately today is the last day , 'pumps fists into the air' welll , actually dint feel like going due to some shitxzxz , and damn-ed she knew it from the sound of my voice , nyehhhs . If i had my way i'd give hundreds of reasons why we would be late , all in all , chem pratical was freakg fun , jia ying keep tryg to sheild me from the chemical , 'laughs' shirinnn and me dont have to attend eng remedial , so we headed out of sch and decided to skip mt's remedial . I'd probably fall asleep if shirin wasnt sittg beside me , 'winks' haahs . tried to be in my best spirits todayy . .

after that got dressed and sent shirin to yio chu kang , for what u call it ? tai chi ? 'laughs' entaa laa ehh . I so did not want to meet nash at her house , i would be a victim of a horrible horrible act , so decided to meet her another day . She got the full series i want , damn-ed ! she being so unreasonable , sayg i have to watch with her . 'sighs deeply' she wishes i would ! i so would not , and i need time for what you said to me , i have never seen myslef with you that way before .

why would u still want me in your heart ? i can be your freind , i guess . I never said that i dint want to , it was you . im glad u know that i care for you tho , just think you're still confused and all , and what you said was right , at least you tried to not make both parties hurt . but by doing this you're already making them hurt . shitshitshittt . forgive me if im replyg to you and sometimes like say nonsensical stuff , & you should really sleep early you need to rest . dont worry , i would not let affect u , at all .

whycanyoushowmewhatyouwantedtosayallineedistohearitoratleastsomehowletmefreakinglyknown.
i know that u're not much of a talker , but i wish you would say out .

i know it's blur , it was taken the same day i went to the it fair . well , things are different now , it cant possibly change as much as i want it too tho . So i as hell miss this people and the times we work toghter , 'laughs to self ' siti's quirky laughter , me and sab little dances and always grooving to the beat during tear down . & nash , she treatg me like a small kid , taking care of everytg and never fail to make me piss at her for treatg me like such a baby . damn-ed .

readg through past entries , ( i seriously have nothing to do) hehh , i decided to stay home and reflect on all the shitxzxzxzxz , and came up with one conclusion , i understand now what u meant , and for sure i wont hate u , i never could . I hope that you'd understand that all this requires time , and i know yur pissed . how i wish i could take it all back .

im sick of this u get it ? sick of it .

damnimscrewdupfreakglystupidiwishedidinthavetoappearinyourlifeshit .

i firstly feel so screw-ed up . Maybe somehow i feel like slammg my head on the wall to just stop thinkg , i still remember what mingyong say , dont think too much . damn-eddd . I tried not to show , i want to pretend that everytg is okay , isnt it sometg i have learnt to do for so long ? 'smiles weakly' i still want to be your freind silly , guess we can't be as close as before . Maybe one day you would see , what i mean .

had remedial today , i woke up like at 7.50 and rang shirin's phone , several times , but no answer . Luckily i rang her home and she picked up , rushed to dress up as our remedial start at like 8.30 . By the time i reach at her condo's bustop it was already 8.20 . darn-ed , we panicked and rushed to sch , cannot make it to class as class finish at 9.30 and we reach there at 9.15 , surely get f up , so headed to canteen , and blabbb . 'laughs' fortunately i dont take DNT , and just hang around the comp lab and did my art while shirin did her dnt . then mt remdial , so sleepy , glad i didnt fall asleep .
wanted to go home afterwards , but rok invited me over to her crib with shirin , and ordered pizza while watchg a movie only we cudnt concentrate and started playg uno . Yelaaa , i salah kay ? i take the card from below , i CHEAT . god , pasal tu pun nak majuk , fine im a loser . i hope yur happy now , alalarrr . If you want to take my heart away like u used to why dont you show it ? i longed to hear you say your heart's contents .

if someone ask u to stay away from them , would u do as they say ? or fight back ? i was not born with a laid back character , i wonder why do i care for everyone so much when they dont feel the same . Nash was right, im too good for my own good .

eyh eyhhh , i know i have not been upatdg much dangs , well i super busy with sch and all .

so friday headed down to the IT fair, darn-ed it was super packed , 'sighs' i cant see anytg cause it was filled with hot bodies rubbing agaisnt each other . GAHHS* halfway , me ama and zuzu retreated to mac where we had lunch/dinner . Ama and zuzu bought this candy floss size of two human heads together , and i kept runng away afaird it would get stuck-ed to my hair , haahs . I then ran into nash and djah , on the way to the toilet and at marina square , they nearly gave me a heart attack sia . 'laughs' i apperciate what dee did , so sweet . damn-ed ! waited for me from dont know what time till like 11.30 ? yeaa around there , alone somemore . thanks dee .

sat headed down with her to her freind's bdae party , it was a suprise , and that was the sweetest thing i have seen anyone do for someone yeaa , but i wasnt on my best moods , so i guess i ruin the day , 'sighs' i big girl d , hehe .

sunday headed downtown for family day , it was okay tho , but it rained quite alot and cudnt play most of the rides. Then headed to marsiling for dinner , was happily eatg and challenging my cousin who can eat the most kerang when my cousin tapped me on the shoulder tellg me someone was staring at me , so i look up to see this well , butch smilling at me . I smilled back , and had the sensation that she was still staring at me , damn-ed . Then when she headed off , she walkd across my table on purpose , and i thought that she went off already . So i went to follow my cousin to make a call at the payphone , she was there , i thought she wanted to use it too so i gave way , instead she ask me what's my name and if i stay around here . The shockg part was she asked for my number , dangs . funnay kann ?

i still want to be your freind despite this , why wont u understand ?

it's thursday . I so should not be dreadg since it's nearg the weekend , darn-ed . Sab rang me awhile back , persuading me may i say ? to go to this gig her friend is performg , im thinkg about it though . Should i ? 'sighs deeply' we have been fightg every single day , today was the worst of all tho , i say that it's good if you did it cause then i'd never forgive you , damn-ed . why ? hurt yourself . Feel like giving up you know ? so much to do and so little time , ahhhhhh ! damn-ed stress , i should hit the books right now righttttttt . 'laughs' dee is workgggg , and it's so boring cause i cant tell her what f up day i had , and how unfair life is , somehow she always tend to make me laugh . It's good that we'e neighbours thenn , put the bakul then passing food at nyt eyh dee ? heeh . 'smiles to self ' && green is like so mother nature seyy . gahhs* & thanks dee for the songggg . 'smiles'

'yawns slightly' well , been spendg lots of time with d , 'smiles' today , tommorrow and weds is her final and damn-ed im having a hard time persuading her to study , but i know when she does she's doing her best . Weird how we been stayg in the same block for over so long yet we did not even get a chance to talk to each other . Well , i dont at all think she's quiet though , 'laughs' . Somehow she listens and i feel so at ease with her , she reminds me of dona siaa , my cousin by the way . haahs .thanks bbyg . anywayy , ouhh what crap did you get yourself into this time , 'sighs deeply'

it's them , get that in mind , where were they when you were in trouble ? etched that into yur head would you . darn-ed . Been stressg about schwork again , i seriously felt like cryg in class juts now , but the girls made me laugh big time . neyhhs .

well , im surrounded with piles and piles of homework . damn-ed , like again .

lookg at my results , i serioulsy need to buck up and all awhile i thought i was doing fine laa , but i swear i din't put effort for common test , anyways it's the first time in my whole entire freakg life i pass maths during common test , wheew . I seriously need to work harder , was half way doing my tys when i felt the urge to use the comp . so well here i am , anyways i apperciate that you're really tryg to show me that you're changing in someways , butyou're always leavg me desperately confuse with yur frequent tantrums . 'sighs deeply' i wonder why in the first place we end up this way , if you arent as emotionally frustrated as i am i really dont know what to say .

'sighs deeply' i tried and tried to let you know that i love you but im lettg you go . If only you had changed when you say you would , i would'nt be this way . Staring into the rain these past few days , how i wished that you are the one that is cuddling me keepg me warm . That would never happen , i know . As hell , im tryg to convince myself that you're the same , prayg for a change . I admit , i easily get fuck-ed up these days , throwg tantrums , ouhh just why cant you understand .

i Cant believe that we actually admitted to each other that the feelgs has faded away , fightg and fightg is it a must . i TRIED , now im learng to just be yur friend all over again . Let's begin from there .