'sighs' Rindu la dengan Kumoksku. HAHA, so Malay. Okay, so tomorrow is like my official first day of school. Anxious, excited, am not sure. One thing is for sure though, I'll continue texting, tweeting, facebooking, instagram-ing. HAHAH, everything that involves the social network. Guess the only thing that is constant is change. Everybody is chasing their dreams, vhai do I feel like crying now. Haiyo. We will meet up, I know, but it won't be the same. We were the most united group in the class, despite everything. We are three groups clashed together due to projects and similar interests, we were inseparable ever since.

I feel much better now though, but I told Rian not to come over cause of the lighting and thunder, pretty scary stuff. So today marks a week that I haven't see her smelly face. How could we both forget that today is the 10th, silly us.

Bag is packed, hair is somehow done. I HATE MY BLACK HAIR. I feel so ugly. This is it, the first time to the rest of my life. Insyallah despite my folic defiency they will still accept me into the course, because this is what I really want to do. I can't see myself anywhere else.

'sighs' I dyed my hair back, I wanted it brown but somehow with my lack of expertise  it turned out black. No more blue/purple hair. Let alone some brown in my hair. This is depressing, I don't even wanna look at myself in the mirror.

I miss my hair :( Why must I dye it that day, hais. No use brooding over it though, come holidays I shall dye it again. HAHA, my hair is dying already. 

I  miss this girl, so badly. It's been more than a week  without me seeing her, I feel as though I'm handicapped without her. I depend on her for everything, how to get to places, food, support. 'sighs' I have been limping without her by my side and now I'm sick. I feel even more helpless than before.The body aches, the medication, I want my baby :(
If this is my punishment for drinking, please make it fast. I have yet to set my feet in my new class and mingle with new people.

This is ridiculous, fucking ridiculous I tell you. When that bitch uses my things no one fucking cares. When it's her, kimak macam khiamat sia. You call yourselves my family, the one group of people that I'm suppose to trust, to lean. Fucking far off from what it's supposed to be.

Fine, I admit I made a mistake. I drank when I'm not supposed to, I dint tell you, but comeone. We make mistakes, I was high. I couldn't think straight, instead of making sure I was home you pick a fight with me. It's just like you to think about your fucking anger rather than what's going on around you. You expect me to understand you, but ask yourself do you understand me? You're not even the least abit understanding, or try to understand.

You promised me that you will try to understand me more, try put yourself in my shoes. Have you forgotten what you told me when you met me at Somerset after work? Guess you did. The saddest part about our relationship is that I can't stand being mad at you for even a day but you can, you can.

Suck it up, he says. I have always been sucking it up don't you worry. Even if I try my best to care about others, they will always turn against me.
As promised khai came down to help me with closing even though I insisted for him not to. 'sighs'
Been texting d, bombarding her with questions about Nursing. I'm glad that she choose to answer it with patience and understanding, hehe.
I still wanna be able to work on weekdays so I wont be burning my weekends on work. 5 days of sch and 2 days of work, without a full day of no work and no school. I can go nuts.

I'm sick and tired of this. You don't see where you're pushing me.

HAHAH, well this is from the 1st Starbucks outing I went and it's a chalet. Believe it or not, this. is before we got high, boo

2nd Starbucks Pit, with my fav girls. One by one they left, leaving me alone :( Well with khai but still I'm the most senior.

ME SO HUNGRY :( I don't wanna take food cause I'll see his fuck face and plus I'm fat. NAHHH, this are some of last night's pictures. Me & Clarice high faces, Iki looks high eventhough she din't drink, cause she has to drag me home. Lastly Khai and me, hah. By last night I meant the Starbucks BBQ. I realize that 2 years straight I wore black to the outings except this year. MHmmm.

Faith in humanity is not restored. Puck. The first thing I saw when I open the door, is his shit face. The biggest criminal is freaking at large here, how could they let him go. My god, 'sighs' I always ask myself why do all the mean people stay longer on this earth. Life is one puzzle I can never solve. This constant headaches are killing me, sometimes they are so strong that I need to freeze whatever I'm doing to try ease the pain.

I'm praying that this is nothing serious, because it could deter me from chasing my dreams in course that I want. As expected my parents can't give two flying fucks about what's going with me, they are too preoccupied, always. Guess maybe that's why I have always been putting myself first and caring for those that care for me too.

What new challenges, fights, arguments will we come up with since Im going into a new school. Whatever it is, I hope that we will face it with a understanding heart.
I'll miss this girls, definitely. I told Zana yesterday that I don't want to make any friends in ITE so I can't replace them, or rather, I don't want to replace them. Yea, I'm like that, forever stuck in the past. Afraid of change. For the first time in 7 years I'll be going into a school completely alone, no known friends in the school, just me and them. Guess I'll have to charge fully charge my phone every day, cause that will be the only thing to keep me close to sanity.

Anyhoots, mummy won't talk to me. She's pissed, I know. Daddy seems happier, I feel. Humanity is once again restored. HAHA, k no. I don't know what this might bring, but I'm praying it's the beginning of something peaceful for mummy and daddy. No more tears, frustration, dissapoinment, insyallah.

AS FOR ME, next week marks the start of a new beginning. The start into something, something that I finally love to do. Shall study hard and continue on to poly and make mummy and daddy proud of me. I shall take babysteps, I hope that everyone will be as understanding when I say that I can go out cause I need to study. Especially in the first term to set my gpa sky high. Ahhhh, I'm nervous and anxious at the same time,but it's a good feeling.

I feel relieve somehow, somehow. I still feel somehow guilty, but then again. He is incapable of change. I don't care what this might bring, but insyallah it's for the better. IM NOT STUPID FOR GOING INTO ITE AGAIN. At least I have plans for my future, unlike some people who doesn't know what to do with their dip cert after graduating. The fuck. I know alot of people have my back. So fuck it. Tumblr I conquer and I still need another blog. HEHEH.

You talk a gentleman.