'sighs deeply' i wonder why does this have to be so hard . You'd always see me laughg and smiling when deep down inside im screamg . Someone once told me that everyone has problems , but what if the problem is in your house , and you have no control what so ever on how to deal with it . Even if you protest you'd gte hit , if you cry they wont care . If you run ... now that's an idea .
'exhales' im supposed to be sane in this house , no , you wont understand ! you never would , even if it slaps you in the face . Sometimes i think maybe if i end my life it'd all be better , he'd go crazy . My daddy would breakdown and my mummy would probably vent her frustrations on hahzim and syida . But how selfish can i be ? I can't leave my beloved parents and brother and sister into his evil hands . But , then u tell me what to do ? fuck him . seriously , my handphone rang he asked me to silent it at home , before he throw my phone outside the window . Every single thing he does , sent tears down my cheecks . YET , i still feel sorry for him . How , fuckg stupid can i be , i hate my screwup brother , i hate the word brother . I HATE HIM .
i wish-ed he would just die , stop running everyone's life , i still need my mummy and daddy but he's freakg 25 for god sakes . Im so glad , god gave me hazhim , but imagine if hazhim comes cryg to me , i as his small sister has to be strong for him when i cant even be strong formyself .
im desperate for somoeone to sing me the simple plan - save you song to me .

well, since my dear babes already updated so shall i aye . On Christmas day , i was really feelg so bored and everyone seems to be having plans , when sab lit up my day and text me askg me to head out . I was already dress-ed but due to some unmentionable reasons i was late . Wait for ama then for like half an hour and siti an hour's time . By the time he head to town it was already like 5 plus , the later the better anyways . Me and my crazy need to see the lights , we stayed till dark , only when it's dark in orchard road , it was so bloody squezzy , we held hands . Sab took every squeese-ed up opportunity to make me squeal . Hahs . Went to eat at shaw house , and visited ina for a while . & then head out to meet nash and tab . Only they were late , again . & we got stucked outisde taka . finally found then and headed to far east walked around and nash thought sab some tecktonik moves , i know sab's really into it now . hehh .


yesterday i went out with mizah and ama , wanted to actually do our homework , only we ended up readg book . Mizah is like so fun to suap . hehh . Headed to mizah house at first , then went to eat cause i was so bloody hungry . Then ama only came an hour later , hmmph ! i headed to work and met with siti . DAMN-ED the borders bookstore . The series eplise is finish-ed . ughhhh .
i kept whining that times was much better . Gahhs . I had to work alone , again . This is so dumb . Plus , there's this guy , sara ? (yeaa , i know it's a girl's name) text-ed me and call me like a gazillion times even after i reject a few hundred . Then when wanted to head home matthew the boss there told me not to head home , cause sara wanted to pick me up . what teh hell ? i dont even know who this freaking sara is , how he looks like and still he wants to pick me up . That looney sara even text-ed me and said , i will keep callg until u bcum my freind . ewwwww .
i was so freak out that iw anted to cry , luckily i had siti to go home with .

it was rainig the whole of yesterday , so me and mizah decided to skip classes and well head back to bed . && ouh ouh ! merry Christmas ! 'smiles widely' it's so cold .. brr . i kept complaining to mummy with this temperature why dont it just snow alreadyy . Think im headg out today , someone wants to bring me see the lights ! like yayy .
&& basically i really got nothing to post .
&&&&&&& ama , you owe me big time , dangs .

it's been ages since i blogg-ed . Somehow it feels good , lettg it all out you know? i opt for sec 5 , but im still very unsure , given my very lazy attitude and sleep first priority , im not sure .
Im still considering , the courses in the ite . Let's hope i'll make it yeaa , to my babes that chosen a diff path , this separation does not mean we have to part . I still will keep each of you guys close to my heart , this is a promise .

Let's just hope i dont like have a major meltdown , i really stand this anymore . Really , someone sat me down and like really talk-ed to me . Has in make me open my eyes and made me cry . The harsh reality , screw it . How can i make them see ? that this isnt what i want all of this to be .
i scream , but no one hears me .
i cry but no ones sees me .

everyone , sympathesize but what i really want is someone who can really stop all this , stop it and lock him up . 'sighs deeply' well a few nights ago , that someone sat me down with a mac flurry in hand . I want to thank that someone , for making me really think , think hard . What i really want in life , where im headg to . Cause i never hurt like this , you think i want to go thru with all of this ? you think i had a choice ? i wished i had tho . Even hazhim had it hard , i have to be strong for them and for me . So what if i care about all other people instead of myself ? It makes me feel better that i have to think about all the other problems instead of the ones i have myself . 'sighs deeply' why are you only here after u found out what happen ? why ?
why arent you like this everyday ? 'makes a face'

im updatg picts form yesterday and today's pit . Well somesort of pit .
decided to head to the library yesterday and well do some homework , but eventually after doing anytg other than homework we slacked and chatted about other stuff , while me and tabby were busy making funny faces at the cam . Thenthenn , today was busy slackg at home when someone planned to go out to cp , and then i headed to choa chu kang to meet mummy , and went to meet nash and kak ina after planng for the 4th of jan and the 31st of december we headed to admiratly to get some stuff for the pit and headed to nata's house for it . Basically we could have more fun if more people came down with us . Block cathcg was tring !

woke up late again yesterday , each other it's minutes closer to 1pm in the morng . pfft*
so i was like really late already , got dress-ed when siti text-ed me askg me to wear anytg other then jeans , haahs . Found a long top , so decided to go with that . Met up with siti and ama , amazingly ama who woke up late reach there first , heeh . Took siti's phone at the care centre and saw my cousin , crapp . I hid behind ama , head-ed to lib and return-ed the books and finally headed to town , ouhh yeaa i saw adeq huda . haahs .
went there as quickly as possible cause nash was already fuming , suddenly out of no where nana and tabbs came . Hah , so we werent excatly the latest . took our pay , when recived text form them sayg that whoever late reach starbucks would have to pay for the movie , being stubborn head-ed as we were , we walked in a straight line linkg arms so that no one was late , haahs .
heade-ed to cathay , watch-ed the day the earth stood still , dumb show stupid endg . Seriously , i never saw a show that end abruptly just like that . Heh , ate at Ljs then headed to sultan's park aye ? im not sure the name . Play-ed truth and dare . too bad my mind was somewhere else and further more i dint bcum it . Then play-ed this smackg game , god that was funn .
enddd , reach-ed home late . i cant believe you did it ! ugh ! , 'rolls eyes' i hate you i hate you . Freind? i doubt so .

work-ed at suntec again yesterday , was really funn with sabby baby next table to mine . We groove-ed to pratically every song that they played , and i made a new dance . (inside joke , me and sab) 'laughs' godd , couldnt stop laughg . Thenthen after work , head-ed to lau pa sat , kak ina blanje , im glad that ama blended in with us already . heh ! Then went to the g-max , near clark quay there , sat there and all . When they started tellg creep-ay stories , me , nash and tabbs cabot to the toilet . Seriously , creepy stories . Then we headed home by night rider , i was shivering like mad . Reach home around 5 plus . Had to walk all the way from triple eight to my house . Damn-ed far , godd . But i survived , heh yay !

today was spsed to be the day . Has in really da day , that i've been markg on my calender to . But then it all boils down to really nothing , cause it dosent matter to him anyway . 'sighs'
decided to head out , met up with sissy and went to Lot 1 , by at that time tabbs text-ed me sayg that let's meet . Luckily i was around that area , so i accompanied mummy eat her lunch then head-ed off to meet them . Slack-ed around , and really talk has in heart to heart topics .
At least i feel at ease now , but results is this thurs ! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHS ! im like really freaking out .

eyhhhh . yesterday was so freakg cold , i drifted in and out of sleep , like so many times . 'smiles sleepily' well , today i went to take pay with the rest , amazingly i was so called early yeaa . Was hoping that sab follow-ed but she dint . 'sighs deeply' miss that babe . So head-ed to town with ama and siti , guess it wasnt only us that decided to take pay , there's like so many people . Then saw kian hau , and all . heeh , met up with teh rest but they were so damn-ed late , and finally i got my ear piece ! 'dances around' no music ,aint any fun kay . Pfft* head-ed to far east and well looked and got mars balls . :)) tuhhh , im very lazy to update tho , just know i had alot of fun .
&& well yea, i hate smoke puffing into my face ,i hope she's okay tho .
mangaed to hug inaaaa ! and chat with her , wooooohooo

finally :)))))) met up with them , wasnt fun at first and the last tho . Cause wells sometg happened . But the best thing is , that . Now , ama knows them , like yayyyy . Im very lazy to elaborate but i want thank sab for being , really . Thankyou , ilyou babe . Headg out again , im going out to meet them , like yay .

went to well a place filled with sanitizers of all sorts . Was supposed to have a day at the beach with my girls , but in the end , well it dint turn-ed out so good . Anyways i enjoy my little bits and pieces today . Managed to chat on the phone with sab early in the morng , and ama a little while back . Still waitg for that gengdeng to ring me back . 'grins widely' Then , spent time with mummy , until nash text-ed askg me to go far east and meet them , invited sab and was all set to go . But then , sudden change of plans again , 'sighs deeply' thenthenn , nash rang my mum's phone like so funny laa . && met nad jsut now , i currently collected like 4 hugs form her ! haahs . eventho , it was short , still had fun , and i miss that girl . 'smiles' Lately , right i notice people been staring at me , like you know that stare when they just talk about you stare , or the stare like as though they are tryg to see into your thoughts . I was so pissed that i stared right back at them , i double check my face to see if there's anytg stuck on it , but nahh . So what could it be aye ? im tryg very hard to believe that you still love me .

the couple of the day . 'laughs'





















like went out with sab todayyy . Actually was supposed to be me , sab and siti . But siti wasnt feelg too good , then nash and the gang wanted to follow but eventually dint . Nash kept askg , me and sab only ? well yeaa , eventho it's just two people we can have alot of fun kay . So i so love suntec , 'winks' haahs . Let the picts to the yak yak kay , im pretty drained as it is .