See my new hair color , my sissy say I look like minah rep 'screws face'
But someone else doesn't think so , heh . I wanted it to look brown but instead it looks red , BAHS*




Anna sayang , aku sayang kau bodoh .


The SB-CP team , I miss the old team though .


My girls , anna , farlinah , me , zee :)




So this are the updated pictures of the pit ! Nyehehe , Anna sat on my lap throughout the whole meeting and we keep taking like around 8-9 stingray's and sotongs . I was so full already we makan serioulsy like budak gemok . So i dyed my hair & the color is kinda off , Im praying that the color runs so the real color will be shown .
& I just put down the phone with Zuzu finally get to talk to her after so long , feels like secondary school days . Hope you're feeling better Zuzs , on the 9th I let you spank me one time only kay , to make you happy . I REPEAT ONE TIME ONLY .
I realize many things lately , like why bother to express yourself , people call me ego , hard-headed , but when I do express myself , they do nothing about it why bother ? Or maybe they would like change for awhile then go back to their old self , I'm sick of pointing out where your're wrong there and there . if you wanna change you'd should see if for yourself . Im still there , but you'll have to prove to me your worth it . Cause I'm losing faith , in you .

You said you can read me like a book , so can you read how I'm feeling now ?

My manager the curly wurly Saiful , never fail to make my opening an eye opener always . I miss working with him 'screws face'
This was taken last week at our starbucks SB-CP bbq pit . I helped in the cooking alot this time round eating of standing near the pit and gobbling everything up . Heh , I was actually not feeling well since I dint go home on Sunday night . I promised myself I won't drink after all that has happened and I'm glad Anna was there to make sure I kept to my promise . I initially wanted to swim with the rest but I din't bring the proper attire and a change of clothes . A kind soul azman lend me his clothes , but in the end I decided not to swim . Why ? I scared I'll get darker , shutup . Don't laugh , haahs .

Last week for three days I had to go to Kinderland Childcare Centre at Tanjong Pagar to teach the kids art , at first It was awkward I kinda stand there smiling to them looking like a fool but I bet they barely can tell . After which we got into groups to teach them different techniques that we would be doing . This girl , Metta was so adorable she stuck by beside me the whole time and she'd giggle everytime I brush her hair . Viola the most lady-like child I ve ever seen with proper manners , she has the puss in the boots eyes , completing the cute girl look with bangs and a ponytail . We continue doing the art pieces till the last day , I couldnt bear to leave them eventhough it was just for three days I teared up and cried like a baby & they all came charging at me giving me a big group hug . I was so touched I cried more but trying to push them away at the same time , I shy la . The three days spend there was so meaningful , eventhough I was so sleepy and tired on the last day I managed to force myself to get up and there's not many events where I'm like that so yeahh .

lastly , you're killing me without even trying .

Bumped into this guy yesterday , apparently he's working at causeway again . & the way he was smiling at me show that he has been looking at me from afar even before I walked passed his shop . I know eddie , heh . Shall let you guys figure out where though . Isn't it weird how for a period of time he was all I ever wanted and needed , things changed people changed . I do have those moments where I'll just sit down and think about everything and nothing in particular . I do get scared , really scared . The one thing that scares me the most is that if someone can just throw a 3 year relationship away just like that what makes you think you on give up on me somehow , someday ?

I've always believed that there's a reason why I can never take my mind off you , maybe you were meant to be there . Etched somewhere in my brain , kept safe . People go through 4 steps after a break up . They cry , they get clingy , they get mad and then they move on . But I go through the 4 steps over and over again . I keep forcing myself , if you're happy I'll be happy . I once told you that , if happy isn't with me I allow you to leave . Apparently you did , somehow I wished you'd give me a better reason to break up with me , but then what possibly could be the"perfect reason" for a breakup . I'll always make a reason for you to stay .
& I hope that no matter what you're doing out there , whoever you're with know that I'm always here. I'll never show though this still kills as much as I try to push you out from my head you still manage to come back in . You know I'm talking about you , guess you're better at moving on then I will ever be .

I'm going to try & sleep and stop thinking , Ya Allah , for once don't wake me up from my sleep crying because when I do I'll look at my phone and there's still nothing from you and I feel so empty inside . Please don't let me go through that feeling I'm not strong enough . I never fail to look at our pictures on my wall and tear up I dont have the heart to tear it down though , guess I'll be this way then .

withlove,
Syima

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIIa44jMww0

this song is so amazingly sweet , it makes me just wanna cry . Heh , amazing how someone who knows you so much is able to use everything they know about you all this years against you . You ask yourself what kind of person does that , after being with each other for so long but well you've have to understand that even the longest of marriages ends in divorce , nothing in our temporary world is certain . Everything will end someday somehow . Then you'd start to wonder why would you ever want to try in the first place , here's the deal . Im the kind of person who thinks if you'd never try you'd always never know .

No one actually stops loving someone , it's either you'd always love them or you never loved them .
The hardest part of letting go is stopping yourself to run away .

Budak selengeh transformed ? No ? Okay .
It's been centuries since I updated , cause all my updates are in my drafts or my new diary <3
So blogger dead , but today I feel like typing instead of writing so just let me be . Had a , well how do I put it ? Emotional talk with my clique just now ; they made me cry like a small kid . They say I'm sensible but when it comes to love I'm just a weakling , of course I fought to justify myself otherwise but it seems like well yeah , I'm always so afraid to lose the other party that I tend to think of the worst possible scenarios even if she's not doing it . I'm just paranoid like that , love ? What's that . It's finally over , I should say that with a hint of relief but instead fat sobby tears roll down my cheeks everytime I hear her voice or she her smile . MOVE ON , how do I ? She gave me so much to remember , we practically grew up together . Moving on seems so easy for her to do , I don't even sense a tinge of sadness coming from her . Moving on means letting go everything we had , forgetting it , making it another chapter in my life called memories . With time it will fade , I'll probably forget how much I truly love her and yearn for her . But that's the thing , I DON'T want to forget , I want to keep this going . Mistakes both of us , I know . It did made us stronger every single one of it , I'm saying sorry . But I do still love you , behind this strong front which won't ever admit that I still do . I yearn for you and I will always hold a place for you in my heart . When you read this I probably won't be talking to you , cause I can't stand to be freinds with someone I dearly love and looking you in the eye unable to hold you . It kills me to see you , you have no idea seriously . I don't want you to continue to see me cry for you , swollen eyes and eyebags , I don't want that for you . Know that even if we're not talking I do think of you , every night . You're still the first and last person that is on my mind now and forever , I don't care what people say . I love you S . It will always be S.S .

'sighs deeply' why do I feel this way ? I want you to be happy , Im sure you know that I don't want to go down that road if you're just able to leave me just like that . You got no idea how I hug myself to sleep feeling so alone , even if it kills me I promised you that I'll never walk out of your life and Forever isn't just a word to me even if it means nothing to you . Call me a flirt call me a bitch call me everything you want , I'll never stop loving you till my last breath I'll be here for you . Rub your cheek , hold your hand , hug you till you're out of breath . Run with you , cry with you . Yearn for you for a place in my heart still holds your name up till now , look into my eyes you will know how I feel for you . You thought me so many things that I'll bring everywhere I go . We will always be able to talk for hours about anything and everything , I'll be mad yes I will , but give me time and you know , you know I'll have your back . I have never left yur sight and I dont even plan to walk away . You have to trust me , I can't be there for you like how I always used to , but only time will tell . You have my heart S , doesn't mean that I dont utter the words I love you often it means that I don't love you . I do , I want to show you that actions speaks louder than words .